I promised Jesus His own video. Haven’t gotten to it yet. But will.

He gets me. He gets this kind of epic heartbreaking soul searing repeated rejection in the face of Love. He lived it and wrote a book. The book is called the Bible.

He understands what it’s like to have your friends abandon you when you die as His did.

He understands what it’s like when the crowd mocks you as that happened to Him.

He understands dying in front of haters. If He died today it would be broadcast worldwide on every channel and everyone would upload their own videos. He understands drama.

He understands dying alone in immense suffering as He did.

He understands what it feels like to have a friend betray you to your death. Kiss you and let in the killers.

He spent a lot of time running away from people, on mountaintops alone with His Dad. He spent 40 days in the wilderness starving and then had to fight the Devil alone after.

He was surrounded by a bunch of people who didn’t understand Him and had their own agenda. The guy who betrayed Him also stole from Him regularly.

He loved them anyway.

I am trying. But I in any case know He has my back. That He is always there. Good bad ugly Seren losing it like this. He will always be there. If no one helps He will even if He has to do a miracle to do it.

That I can never do something so awful He won’t be there. Although I don’t want to test that.

So suicidally devoted to Him and hang everything on Him.