So after everything happened, the Lord said, turn off your phone, lay low, I will deal with all this.

I went into the wilderness, led by the Holy Spirit. I understand that people thought many things. What I actually did was rejoin the Catholic Church. I have been going to daily Mass. It is a really lovely church; so glad I found it. Very happy there.

I didn’t die, obviously; I didn’t harm myself in any way. As I had to quit my job due to health reasons, I am very low on money and my phone was disconnected. I have a roof over my head and a plan to get money for utilities. I will be ok.

There are many purposes for going into the wilderness. It has been pretty enlightening living without a phone, without an electronic tether. This wilderness has been to separate me from all relationships I had. To change, modify, destroy all that the Lord does not want there. Whoever is still there when I get back, those are the ones the Lord wants in my life.

Where I was at was a situation, with health, where I was basically dying alone and taking care of how everyone else felt daily. My life was lived for others in a negative way, a way where I wasn’t getting my own needs met and I was just helping everyone ELSE cope with what was happening to me.

It was a real dying in spite of the fact the medical news ultimately came back very positive. I was really sick. Spent many days mostly sleeping, feeling ill and weak, having symptoms I didn’t report as I didn’t wish to scare people.

I ended up in the ER once also, had to call 911. The paramedics transported me as I was unable to walk. I passed out for 1.5 hours in the waiting room. As I was in the waiting room, they don’t know why.

The true cause was a spiritual issue. The spirit of death on me was seen by more than one extremely spiritually perceptive person. Real, undeniable things happened around this other people felt and experienced themselves.

The one person who knew me best in real life saw me in real life, told me I looked very unwell to him, was scared for my health. We all thought I was gonna spend my last days there, that day. As he was very spiritually talented, he saw something real or would have reacted otherwise.

When my relationship application was denied, have a nice day, after what happened with the other guy, the Lord was angry. Said turn off your phone, I will deal with all this.

I understand He has been busy.

In the meantime, here I am kinda wandering around, pretty literally, saying, what next? I am unattached to pretty much anything at this point. Found this great new church. My lesson in the wilderness is: trust others. Ask for help. I did. Some people denied me, did the predictable thing of screwing me over. Others said yes.

The neighbor who all these family members died and she has cancer. A new friend. I needed to use a phone to send a text; she let me. I brought her extra from the food bank. I have a new friend.

I have been talking to my other neighbors. The Arabic guys having a little Middle Eastern BBQ. The guy with the call center job. The guy whose life revolves around his dog. They were sorry to hear I had been ill; glad I made it, asked where I had been, they hadn’t seen me.

Sitting amongst the old ladies making rosaries. They had lunch; it was nice. I was one of the tallest people there, haha, and I am 5’5″. Nobody had any clue how old I was; I think they thought 30’s or something.

I spent some time trying to establish a relationship; this seemed to be going swimmingly. In the end he wouldn’t take my phone call or clear his voicemail so I could leave a message. The Lord put His foot down. Men have died for you, and this guy will not pick up the phone to receive your call, and he knows you are trying to reach him also. You are not to contact him again. If he ever wants anything, he will have to do it all. I am done throwing you at people who mistreat you.

I am not sorry; I learned a lot from that, received many gifts that got me to where I am at now. Learned you can put canned salmon in pasta sauce; it is actually quite good and I wouldn’t have thought of it. I received kind words, wise direction, lots of healing love. So incredibly grateful for the experience and those who brought me those very real gifts.

But I cannot be bothered to speak to you; I will not take your call although I am expecting you to try to contact me somehow; the Lord will not put up with that and neither will I. Very grateful for the love, although it was just for a season, and the literally life transforming lessons that got me through. That is a decision; however, and one which I will acknowledge and respect. So that is done also.

I stopped by the Newman Center on campus the other day. Sat in the chapel with Jesus and the nice man who prayed with me. It was quiet, peaceful, beautiful.

The gentleman, I do not know who he was or if he was a priest or anything other than he obviously worked there and prayed with me, he acknowledged I was full of the Holy Spirit. Said, let the Spirit guide you, show you the truth.

The Spirit said, you know My Will. I am leading you step by step. Everything is unfolding, step by step.

Paths cross and diverge again. Divine appointments. The lady weeping at the bus stop. She had been praying, God give me a sign or I am about to end it all.

I literally walked up to her. Told her Jesus sent me.

The birds that flew into me and then away. Something odd about that, finally realized they flew into me, surrounded me, and left. Not normal behavior for birds.

When the Lord leads you in the wilderness, you are safe, fed, directed, receive everything you need. The only wrong step is the one He doesn’t want you to take.

I love You, O Lord. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.