I feel like this is the one corner of the world where I can be honest. On a stage. But I have been on many stages, beginning at age four.

Something utterly wrecking and devastating happened in the wee hours. I literally cannot discuss it other than it happened.

It wasn’t a consequence of sin, secret or otherwise. It happened due to the battles with the Dark that are a staple of my life.

I yielded to Jesus only. But now, shadows.

A friend, the night before, was inspired by the Lord to give me a chapter from Esther. I then read the whole book.

Esther was a beautiful virgin dragged into captivity to become a concubine to King Ahasuerus. She had zero choice in this.

The Bible says her uncle/effective father Mordecai paced every day in front of the women’s quarters out of his mind with fear and worry about how she was doing.

He loved her and didn’t abandon her. I have been too little loved like this.

Esther could have been a “down with the patriarchy” poster child. She didn’t lead a revolt. She accepted her situation and was obedient.

As a result of accepting, yielding and being pleasing to her captors, she won the grand prize and became queen!

A word of caution. If someone kidnaps you, ESCAPE! If someone abuses you, RESIST! RUN!

Esther was living in a country where the king had the absolute authority without possibility of appeal. He also was the legitimate ruler.

So she obeyed. She made the best of a bad situation there was literally no escape from in her society.

Mordecai was also obedient to the Lord. He refused to worship a man. As a result, that man decided to have all Jews exterminated and got the king to sign an order decreeing it!

According to the law, these orders were irrevocable. Once sent, they couldn’t be rescinded even by the king himself!

Wow, what a pickle. Obey the Lord, now everyone is gonna die because you followed the Law. Mordecai must have mightily struggled with that.

The Bible says he did grieve and mourn and agonize, but he did it the right way. He put on sackcloth, ashes, fasted and prayed. He took the problem to the Lord to solve.

He didn’t blame himself for obeying and now other people are hurt as a result. He knew obedience to the Lord was right regardless. He didn’t get mad at the Lord for not honoring his obedience.

He didn’t rant and say, I obeyed You and now everyone is gonna die! Worst decision ever!

He turned to the Lord to fix it. So did the rest of the Jews. Through prayer and fasting, persisting over time.

Then he commanded Queen Esther to risk her life to talk to the king, save her people. She balked, and he told her the Lord would save the Jews another way if she was disobedient. She would perish, however.

Esther believed him. She prepared herself through prayer and fasting also, and got others to help.

In the days of prayer and fasting, hers and the people’s, change happened. She was given a plan. The rest of the book is how things unfolded. The Jews were saved, and that is the story of the Feast of Purim.

I see how people got on their knees, sought the Lord persistently with prayer and fasting, and then acted after. Both are necessary. Then the Lord moved.

I am captive but not physically captive. I have been stolen yet live in my home. Let him who has eyes to see, see this.

I lack the power to free myself. Please trust me on this. So like the Queen, am in the women’s quarters. May be here for some time.

The Lord has shown me the way. Praise the Holy Name of Jesus, Amen. ❤