Text Post – Page 2 – Jephthah's Daughter

Poem For The Dying

January 28, 2019Posted in Text Post, VideoTagged music, poetry, Video11 Comments

I called my brother this morning. He had been on my heart, my spirit was grieved and worried.

This man is not my legal relative. He is nonetheless the only true brother I have ever had, and dear beyond words to me.

We talked about so many things as usual. Mostly about Jesus, our favorite subject.

And he helped me understand a situation in my life which perplexed me. He helped me understand why I am being shunned by people who should love me.

So here, for them, a poem.

You say you are there
For the broken.
There to help
The lost.
You are actually there
For the broken YOU choose.
The lost YOU choose.
I have shown you
The truth.
Demonstrated the reality
With my own life.
In the end, you chose
What you wanted.
You chose the mission
Without question.
Therefore, hear your fate.
You will indeed be stuck
With your choices.
Share in the consequences
Of those you chose to help.
You will be fated together,
Rise or fall together.
You have chosen this boat
And do not understand water.
So in this boat you will stay
With all those in it.
And if it is indeed the Titanic,
Go down with it too.
You may want to invest
In lifeboats and signal flares.
You may consider
Swimming lessons.
Beware of icebergs.
Have a nice trip.

Who Is Behind This Blog?

January 28, 2019January 28, 2019Posted in Art, Text Post, VideoTagged Art, christianity, inspiration, jesus christ, music, poetry, revelation, Video10 Comments

Dear Lord Jesus, so completely alone.

Whoever else reads this, this is my letter to You.

So it is late. Super late. I went on a counseling site where it is a group chat. Everyone helps everyone, it is peer support.

You gave me keen and laser insight to a situation. I saw it all clearly and explained it simply. That person has good direction now on what they need to do next. Thank You Lord.

I popped up with more and more and they were all saying how wise I was. All problems seemed simple, solutions clear and obvious.

I ran through each situation, followed behavior patterns, drew correct conclusions swiftly.

I responded and thought, this isn’t me. How do I see so much, know so much, why is everything breathtakingly obvious to me?

It is because of Your wisdom, Your knowledge, Your Spirit Lord. I was aware my mind was working on far beyond any level I would consider normal.

I just got upset, said what if this is all wrong? You brought to mind all the real life evidence of why this is right and I am indeed walking with You.

Just, talking to all those people knew what next right thing to say was. Could see the truth so clearly in every situation.

My concern, Lord, is I want to KNOW You are using me. That it is Your Spirit speaking through me. That I am not myself deceived and perpetrating deception unknowingly.

I know only You reveal truth. You are unknowable unless You reveal Yourself. Your Word says so. You hide Yourself and none can find You.

Unless You wish to be found, You are unfindable.

I need to know, Jesus. I need to know if my medical conditions will result in death. I need to know if I am proclaiming Your Truth, or this blog is a dangerous exercise in futility.

Whatever others think or say, I need to know. Because nothing is more important than being right with You.

If this is wrong, blog goes away. I don’t know what to say but as being wrong means I continue to live, think this will be forgiven.

I completely and totally humble myself before You, prepared to accept and act on Your Truth whatever it may be. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

He says:

Very good, I told you My answer yesterday. Please link for the readers, thank you.

The Lord Responds

This IS My answer; it is very clear and direct. Your question is really: are you hearing from Me or the Enemy?

Yes, Lord. That is my question.

In reply, the Lord sent me to Ezekiel 21. Huh, I thought, what is in Ezekiel 21?

This!

Wow! I uploaded this artwork TWO YEARS AGO!!

I didn’t understand any of it other than somehow I was that sword. Not in a literal sense. The sword reference in Ezekiel literally referred to Babylon, and how they destroyed Jerusalem and the temple.

I have never had pride so badly, praise the Lord, I thought I was some weird reincarnation of an ancient civilization or anything crazy like that.

Clearly the Lord meant something else by it. I really didn’t know. Sword references crop up again and again in my art and poetry ever after.

So tonight I say, Lord how do I know it is You? His reply is:

You’re My sword! Have been telling you this for years.

In fact, here is this art you made of it two years ago. So I have been telling you this for awhile!

Seren, can unravel complexities of others’ lives with greatest of ease thanks to Divine Wisdom. Not getting it when comes to her own life.

He is patient, says also:

Many others need to know the answer to your question, so I am answering everyone at once.

So I went back through my poetry which has been accumulating for literal years. Found this one, among many CLEARLY detailing the path I was on.

The Canary Died

so I ask again
are you brave
if you don’t feel brave
if every day is a struggle
if every day you’d rather die
than keep staggering along
burdens crushing and overwhelming
and yet
you keep on
you put one foot in front of the other
after awhile you stop asking questions
the pain so bad you can’t breathe
after awhile, all pain
to lose your resolve
to wonder why you’re fighting
is it worth it?
who will this help?
is my suffering meaningless?
knowing
always knowing
the path is just going
to get darker
the track leads
deeper into the mine
the canary died.
there is no way back now
forward to face
certain death.
so as I struggle along
I ask
why fight?
If I am going to lose anyway,
why fight?
once upon a time
I had a dream
and in it, the Lord said
this person and this person
and this other person
you helped them
you went through this
so they didn’t have to.
you distracted the enemy
from hurting others
your suffering is precious
and I have collected every tear.
Thank You, Lord,
after all,
soldiers die
I am nothing if not a soldier
fighting enemies unseen.
the canary died
so I will die,
but
my death deep in the mine
is not for nothing
it will break open
many things.

Seren Wild © July 31, 2017.

The Lord said:

Stop. Tell the world how the Enemy is interfering with the search for the truth.

Tell them about clicking on poetry links on DA that don’t open. Or open to another deviation. Mine or someone else’s.

Tell them about the poem you tried to access that scrolled non-stop in the preview rather than opening. When there is no code allowing that behavior.

Tell them about the one you couldn’t open at all, it wouldn’t open or led somewhere else.

Do mention how you try to copy/paste links and it doesn’t work. That you have resorted to backup backup methods, as normal methods regularly fail.

Say how programs on your phone have unexplained random failures for no reason. When you were trying to create an important art piece, the program refused to function.

Please continue.

So went forward and now no issues opening links or odd misbehaviors, thank You Jesus.

Go on through life getting darker and more horrible and then this.

Purpose Anew

she lifting
all lay aborning
tucked quiet beneath
blankets
mind stilled
head spinny
and pondered.
Oh yes, like her
mother, Mary
(Mother of the Word),
she pondered.
Two gates closed
and the third, about to fall.
Youth and going back
are not options.
Truth will be determined,
here and now.
You choose your options:
they are few.
OK, she said,
here I am.
She presented herself to the King.
Master, what would
You have me do?
There was silence.
Only a cello could be heard.
So she said, once again,
Master, what would
You have me do?
And her beloveds said,
you must choose.
He will not tell you.
And then the music rose,
and she realized
her sword lay idle
her shield unburnished
her armor lacked care.
She realized it was
her heart
her spirit
her will
and not her mind
that was required.
And she realized
that God needs no one’s prayers
but
other people need hers.
Good, the King said.
Seren, the King said,
will you be My knight?
will you fight for Me?
Yes, she said. Yes, anything for You.
Good, He said.
Your sword is a scythe,
Your harvest, the world.
Go.
And so purpose is set anew.
Because God does not delight
In the strength of horses
But in all
Who call upon His mercies.
Amen.

Seren Wild © December 3rd, 2017.

Aha! The Lord had revealed through many poems you will be a sword, then the forging process, and finally here He reveals the purpose of the sword.

This wasn’t fantasy fiction but my real life. Every poem was inspired by spiritual and other kinds of reality.

Everything was learned through experiences I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

I have had people want to be as strong as I am. I have to tell them, I cannot in good conscience wish on you the path I took here. That would basically be cursing you. I can’t do that.

I weep for what I went through towards the end before I fled my ex lest I die. I have few memories of it, but the little poetry that exists, the pain, horror and damage is obvious.

Then Tucson. I took a long break, began posting again many months into 2018. Had many adventures. Wrote this.

Fire

so on the other side
of darkness
in the land of the sun
where snow never flies
back in the cold place
he who gave himself
to evil
still seeks my ruin and misery
tirelessly working
to cause the maximum harm.
I do not fear him.
But tonight he has snared
a child of the Father
seeking to drag her down
to his father the devil.
I see the angels and demons battle.
My time is short; that plane is coming.
Healing but not all was healed.
But He made us a sword.
A sword, a sword for slaughter
And set us against evil,
And wields us as He wishes.
And I realize: time is short but
time is not up.
He did not excuse us
from the spiritual battles;
they are thicker than ever.
And as our body grows weaker
our spirit grows stronger
burning with Divine fire
not counting the cost.
We are not done.
We have not fought
Our last battle.
Tonight the minion of the Enemy
does the will of his father.
And we will do ours.
And it is on,
and serving the Lord
has never been more important
than now.

Seren Wild © September 8th, 2018.

I went into the psych ward for 11 days not long after I wrote this.

So little Seren, what do you think of all this? Please tell Me and the readers what you conclude by all I have just shown you.

My conclusions, Lord, are that You came to me in 2017 and said, you are going to be a sword. Then You in fact made me this sword, and there are real life records of the process.

What I see is I have known for a long time life was short and why that was. I didn’t know when but I knew for literally years life was short.

I wrote quite a bit about it. The records were automatically date stamped on a public site I don’t control; therefore, the dates can be relied on.

I see that tonight I came to You and You unfailingly led me to all this. To Ezekiel 21 when I didn’t consciously know what was in that particular chapter.

And the process of creating this post testifies to the involvement of unearthly forces. There is no logical, rational, scientific explanation for any of this.

Programs are based off code that always behaves the same. Programs do not behave randomly for no reason at all.

So supernatural forces are at work here. This we have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt.

So Who is speaking to me? Running the show? Do we really have any way to know?

Now that we have established You are undeniably real and behind this, can we establish it is really You, the Lord Jesus Christ, Lamb of God, King of kings and Lord of lords, speaking to me now?

He inspired me to dig up the Biblical instructions for testing spirits, which are as follows:

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God,and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and now is in the world already.” ~ 1 John 4:1-3, ESV.

I also found this helpful site, and am quoting the following instructions from it. There is a lot more to deliverance in general, and I recommend getting help with that, but this is a decent summary.

Ask the spirit who his Lord and Master is. The spirit better say his Lord and Master is Jesus Christ. If the spirit cannot confess that Jesus Christ is his Lord and Master – then he is not an angel from God.
I would then tell her to ask the spirit to confess to her that Jesus Christ has come to our earth in the flesh. If this spirit cannot make this specific confession to her – then this spirit is definitely not from God!

Very good, Seren. The standards I Myself wrote in My Word are clear. I am about to unmistakably prove My identity.

I am Jesus, the First and the Last, the Alpha and the Omega, He Who overcame. I am the King of kings, Lord of lords, Judge of the living and the dead. I am the Lamb of God. I, Jesus Christ, am the Word Incarnate Who came in the flesh. I died for your sins, mankind, to gather you all to Myself. I rose again in a real physical body as the forerunner of all resurrections. I am alive forevermore. I Myself am Everlasting Life, and its only and true Source.

I testify I am behind Seren and her blog and am the operating principle in her life. I testify what she says I have spoken here, I have indeed spoken.

Her words and actions are not perfect; only Mine are. She will fail and fall as she is only human.

Praise You Lord Jesus Christ!! Praise You!!

I think that completely settles EVERYTHING.

I want to additionally note it has been a massive struggle with all tech just to create this post. WordPress misbehaved as well as Deviant Art. My phone misbehaved also. The Enemy doesn’t want this out there!!

The Lord Responds

January 27, 2019January 27, 2019Posted in Text PostTagged answers, bible verses, jesus christ, revelation, The Word15 Comments

In the end I turned to the Lord. He always unfailingly is here for me. He never fails.

I am an expert in others failing me; I have experience with almost every abuse, sin and harm. I could do counseling in almost any area based off personal experience.

The Lord never fails. Others do, and sometimes they don’t want to, even. The flesh is weak. We all need mercy. ❤

He says,

“You are Jephthah’s Daughter. I am about to explain to you and the world why I created you.

“First of all you are a sign. As a consecrated sacrifice to Me, your life isn’t your own. It is Mine to do with as I choose.

“In My Word, My prophets lived horrible lives. I asked one to lay on his side for hundreds of days, eat bread baked with feces (Ezekiel).

“I asked one to marry a whore with the resultant heartbreak and destruction of his personal life. To be a sign and witness (Hosea).

“I killed a prophet’s wife to make a point, and he had to continue serving the next day and did so (Ezekiel).

“My prophets and servants were imprisoned, beaten, persecuted, stoned, scourged. This was normal life for them!

“In My infinite wisdom, I did all this. My true servants are always under the sign of the persecution you have lived your life under.

“And now I am taking you home soon, as your body cannot sustain life much longer.

“I could recreate your body, but I am not the Lord of unending toil, but the Lord Who grants rest and peace to the weary.

“Well done, thou good and faithful servant.

“Continue proclaiming Me with your entire life until the moment I take you home to be with Me forever.”

Thank You, Lord. I accept and receive this word. In Jesus’ Name, Amen. ❤❤❤

Who Are My True Friends?

January 27, 2019January 27, 2019Posted in Text PostTagged christianity, friendship, love15 Comments

Why am I Jephthah’s Daughter?

I started this blog to deal with this.

I remember sitting in a Bible study listening to the tale of someone who moved here from another country. For her, all kinds of doors opened. A family took her in. Her education got funded. Everything smooth and easy.

I listened and said why not me? I ended up living in homeless shelters for five months and epic shenanigans! And now dying as body cannot handle life where all abuse me!

I am right with the Lord; this has been attested to. All curses over me that I know of broken, generational and otherwise.

I love the Lord and love love love others. And yet I am mostly spending the end of my life helping others deal with my upcoming death.

The ministers who will minister to everyone else, will not minister to me. Still. Won’t even talk to me; you would think I was in major sin instead of dying.

There are major shenanigans with the health care situation. I haven’t even ever heard of health professionals behaving this way except on TV. But this is ME so they are!

I can’t talk about my life as no one can understand or relate.

I am the person who calls a helpline and doesn’t get helped; instead ends up exposing evil.

I am the person all want me to help and support THEM. Basically everyone acting like things are fine, nothing unusual happening.

I gave up on people helping me as they don’t. This has been tested and proven repeatedly.

Professionals paid to do that will. In general others don’t. I have some good friends I am grateful for.

The truth is I have received the most hurt and unkindness from other Christians. They were the people most likely to harm instead of help. And this is sad.

Literally everyone I met in 2018 who hurt and harmed me the most, I met at a church.

And it falls to me to say these hard things. The Body of Christ is wondering why people are leaving in droves. It is because the Lord’s people only love themselves.

The people I met who are my closest friends right now? Some are Christians. He has saved a remnant for Himself.

The vast majority I did NOT meet at church. He brought them to me in various ways.

My list of true supporters and friends does include Christians. Also includes Pagans, atheists, and searchers.

One Pagan friend and I just have a bond and have for years. Our beliefs couldn’t be more opposite, but the love between us is real and has endured.

One friend is a staunch atheist. He will send me religious jokes and I laugh. When I lost it and started this blog, he reached out first.

He listened to me, was kind, basically treated me like a sick cat who was hissing and clawing as in pain. His mom is a vet; he has experience with sick cats.

Another friend reached out, a school friend. She texted me to see how I was. She has thought about spirituality, currently an atheist. But she is a loving, kind person people love.

The friend who saved me last month, I don’t even know what her beliefs are. Never asked. She just couldn’t stand by and let me fall. She came through in a real way and saved me from homelessness literally.

We have never discussed religion. She comes and goes as she wishes, but she is there if I really need her.

My atheist friend’s wife, also my friend, has also reached out and been supportive. Dealing with things in her own way, but she has tried to be there.

My friend who is gay and I believe Pagan writes me frequently. He won’t share his blog; I wouldn’t approve. Did I make your list, Seren? He makes all my lists, always. ❤

The other good friends are indeed Christians. Of all of them, exactly one is in ministry. Just one.

The others are repentant sinners with colorful pasts, or just ordinary people.

The one relationship that has been ongoing for many many years. He recently came to the Lord and this was the hardest thing he ever did.

He loves me the most and I love him the most. He will be with me until the end pretty literally.

The one who thinks her relationship with the Lord is sketchy. She is fundamentally a scientist struggling to understand the truth.

She is unfailingly there; will even take hard stands for my benefit.

The one who also has a past no one understands. He and I talk every day. We get each other, and others do not get us. He has major sin in his past; every day is a struggle.

The Lord uses him in amazing ways.

The friend who has been in and out of my life for years. We break up and get back together. The Lord won’t let her stay away.

She has an on again off again relationship with Jesus, and an enduring love for me. So grateful for her.

The new friend who liked my videos and dared to send a friend request. He is an unfailing source of support. Made me something out of origami. Sends me photos to brighten my day.

I always am happy to see him pop up in my mailbox; he makes me smile.

The friends who found me through the previous blog. The love, kindness, and support. The gifts they didn’t send by mail that brightened my day and my life. The past we all share. Love them dearly. ❤

I am an artist but not very good at drawing. Maybe I will do a piece for my friends. The people who actually loved me in the end.

My picture would 100% consist of sinners, some saved by grace, many not. But people who cared, and proved it by their actions.

Body of Christ, it is ultimately your lack of love for others that drives people elsewhere.

The Lord will not forget either the heathens who helped or the Christians who caused harm. He is just as well as merciful.

Faith Healer Fail, Take Two

January 26, 2019February 2, 2019Posted in Text PostTagged faith healing, hurt, insensitivity, lack of compassion, pride7 Comments

So I was feeling sad and alone and distressed. It is late and friends are asleep.

I called a Christian prayer line for support.

I said I am dying, it is my time, do NOT pray for healing. I need comfort and help and support.

Person proceeded to pray the Lord heals my body. I am, I cannot believe this.

I finally interrupted, said, it is my time, the Lord is not gonna heal me this time. Do NOT pray for healing.

The person said, by His stripes we are healed. Read your Bible.

I hung up.

Because I am me, because I am Jephthah’s Daughter, I call for support and get wounded for my pains.

What you did, prayer warrior, is impose on me what you believed God wanted, and blamed me for my supposed lack of faith. And this is hurtful and wrong.

What you did is failed to help and hurt me instead. You didn’t listen to me OR the Lord. When I protested, you got mad and told me “read your Bible” which is a species of Christian insult.

I am not gonna survive this, but if I did clearly a lot of education needs to happen about how Christians need to deal with death.

“Faith Healing” Led To Fatal Condition.

183 Coffins For Children Killed By “Faith Healing.”

Is Seren Really Going To Die, Lord?

January 26, 2019Posted in Text Post, VideoTagged bible verses, death, Doctor Who, jesus christ, music, musings, Video18 Comments

Heavenly Father, as I have prayed previously, I ask before the world only Your Word and truth be proclaimed in this post. Only Your will be done and no one else’s. I humbly ask this in Jesus’ Name, Amen.

So I am writing because I went before the Lord and said, am I really dying?

It is a good question. I factually have several very serious medical conditions. There are different approaches to forecasting the results of those. But regardless of what man determines, the Lord trumps all.

He is the Lord of healing. He is the Lord of resurrection. Dead bodies are no problem; He can bring those back to life!

Jesus Christ Has The Keys Of Hell And Death

He also solely determines when life ends, and is involved in every death. In the following quote, the Lord Jesus Christ is speaking to the Apostle John in the Book of Revelation.

“…Do not be afraid; I am the First and the Last. I am He who lives, and was dead, and behold I am alive forevermore. Amen. And I have the keys of Hades and of Death.” ~ Revelation 1:17-18, NKJV.

This quite literally means Jesus Christ has the power over Death and determines who goes to Hell. He does the latter in His role as judge over the living and the dead.

Jesus Christ Is Life And The Source Of All Life

This is the real point of my post and what the Lord showed me. He took me to Psalm 31 and asked me to write about it.

But before He would give me a single word, He made me accept that I am dying.

The medical conditions I have are very very real and very serious.

Regardless, He could cure them if He wished. Resurrection also isn’t an issue for Him or entirely remaking bodies from dried up, useless bones (Ezekiel 37).

He can seriously do anything He wishes; He is the Lord. No situation is too far gone for the most part, and the exceptions to this are clearly spelled out in His Word (blasphemy of the Holy Spirit and taking the mark of the Beast come immediately to mind).

Jesus Can Raise The Dead

I want to emphasize the condition of a body is no obstacle to the Lord, as demonstrated by the story of the resurrection of Lazarus. (John 11).

Basically, the Lord found out His friend Lazarus was sick. He hung out where He was for two extra days after He received the news, then journeyed to Lazarus’ house. This took awhile, and by the time He got there Lazarus had been dead four days.

The body was juicy, y’all. It was not hygienically stored in a fridge; it was lying in a cave. It had therefore been rotting for a bit, and Martha, in particular, objected that “Lord, by this time there will be a stench, for he has been dead four days.” (John 11:39).

That was the point, honestly. Jesus stayed where He was two extra days so Lazarus WOULD die. Then it took awhile to get to Lazarus’ house, as He was a decent distance (roughly 20 miles) away, so more time passed. This is so the body had time to decompose. Why? To prove a point!!

Jesus had already given the answer to the pop quiz that was the resurrection of Lazarus. He is good like that; He wants us to have the answers so we can pass the tests He gives.

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” ~ John 11:25-26, NASB.

And then Jesus proved this was true by raising Lazarus from the dead!

“Now when He had said these things, He cried with a loud voice, “Lazarus come forth!” And he who had died came out bound hand and foot with graveclothes, and his face was wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Loose him, and let him go.” ~ John 11:43-44, NKJV.

The Bible doesn’t say “and the dead body came forth.” Jesus didn’t make a zombie. He raised Lazarus; Lazarus in his own now completely restored body came forth, bound in graveclothes, and just needed to be unbound to go back to living his life!

This little incident led directly to Jesus’ crucifixion and death (John 11:47-53), which we KNOW happened, so yeah, this is all very real! And had some very serious consequences for Jesus, too.

Clearly If Jesus Can Restore Life To A Dead, Rotting Body, He Can Heal My Body!

Clearly. So it just then boils down to: will He?

Medical conditions, however serious, not an obstacle. Actual physical decomposition, not an obstacle. Bones so dry and weathered they’re only good for ART projects, no problem! He can and will do WHATEVER He wants.

**Jesus ALONE determines life and death. He IS Life itself; He ALONE has the keys of Death!**

I believe He has said to me, no, not this time. For you, Seren, it is time to rest.

And this is the answer no one wants to hear. Including me.

Nothing Bad Will Happen

I just saw an ad on PureFlix for a movie about a young Amish woman who travels to another community and finds love. Dang, I want all that.

I want to see the ocean. I want to eat good meals with loved ones. I want to travel.

I want to sit on the beach in the Bahamas and let the sun warm my skin, and blog about it.

Life is precious; I want more of it. I could do so much. I am not ready for it to be over.

Judging on reactions I am getting, nobody is.

How this is actually going down is, I get up daily and talk about this stuff. Then talk to my beloved friends, my brothers and sisters and Christ. Everyone is carrying on exactly as if nothing unusual is happening.

Maybe if we all pretend hard enough everything is fine, nothing bad will happen!

Life will unroll day after precious day, we will all stay in denial and hopefully the Damocles sword will never drop. If we all stick our fingers in our ears and sing fa-la-la the golden days will turn into years and nothing bad will happen.

A couple people thought they got crazy messages from God; you will be healed, everything will be fine! One thought I was gonna go visit him even.

There are more sober skeptics. But the general attitude is we really want you to be wrong. Only my enemies want me dead.

Jesus Gets The Glory Regardless

I think everyone would be super happy if I could honestly report the Lord cured me of all the conditions the hospital reported finding. Or could just report that, against all odds, I continue to survive although my body is horribly broken.

This is NOT what He has led me to believe will happen, however.

Remember, Jesus is Life, the Source of Life, and alone has power over Death. So whatever He says goes. For me. For you. For everyone.

I believe He has decreed eternal rest for me, and this is what responsible servants of His I trust have discerned also.

Why???

I am in the unique position of knowing my death is coming and reporting on stuff as I go. And therefore able to ask and answer questions as to why this is happening, which I am sure more than one person has asked.

The Lord took me to Psalm 31. This jumped out at me.

“Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am in trouble; my eye wastes away with grief, yes my soul and my body! For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones waste away.” ~ Psalm 31:9-10, NKJV.

What this says to me is things like grief and sorrow and emotional suffering spend your life, consume your years, affect your actual body. Your very bones waste away.

Well, have had all that in spades.

I Need To Rest

I am very very very tired. The spirit is willing but the body has HAD it.

The Lord is not the Lord of workaholism; He created the Sabbath so man would be forced to rest one day a week. He is the Lord of Sabbath rest.

He Himself rested after His work of creation (Genesis 2:1-3).

And that is the je ne sais quoi in this situation. I am very very tired and need to rest.

That is really the bottom line. I need to rest. I cannot live this way forever; He literally won’t allow it.

As Far As I Know, I Am Going To Die

My body has said ENOUGH! and is breaking down. Jesus could keep fixing it, but it would probably try to break down more.

I could go for lots of treatment; panic in general, insist on all the care possible for every disease. I have opted to go like this instead. I will honestly likely live longer that way.

So I don’t know how long. I really really don’t. I just know life is short.

Celebration of Life Photo and Video Post

January 25, 2019March 21, 2019Posted in Photo Post, Text Post, VideoTagged Art, celebration of life, photo, VideoLeave a comment

So since, due to my unusual life circumstances, no one in real life is throwing a Celebration of Life that I know of, the Lord Who wishes me to be remembered is throwing His own here.

He has invited the world at large since He is by nature inclusive.

I have lots of great friends around the world literally. No one local.

Maybe there will be something online after I go. All out of my hands. People will do what they wish.

So it is customary in a Celebration of Life to put up photos and so forth that characterized that person, and this literally falls to me to do while I have that ability.

Therefore, the stuff in this post is how I myself wish to be remembered, and the things I feel represent ME.

Music on the Pearl St. Mall

All About Seren YouTube Playlist

Even Stars Die

January 24, 2019Posted in Photo Post, Text Post, VideoTagged bible verses, christianity, death, music, musings, Video17 Comments

Dear Lord Jesus, You didn’t take long to answer. I scarcely finished speaking and got invited to an online Bible study.

It is super great You have brought people to the blog, Lord. Please do continue to bring everyone here You want to read my words. The more the merrier. All are welcome.

But ultimately this is a You and me thing. This is a place where I get my feelings out and work through my final days. Because these ARE my final days.

This is what You had to say, and my job just to report on what You are doing and saying, as You have called me to be Your witness.

Rest, My Child

You had a hard Word for me, Lord. You said, your labors are at an end. Time to rest.

To the other people at the Bible study, it was about the importance of resting. You anticipated workaholics so created the Sabbath and hallowed it.

Man needs to be made to rest, so You created a day of rest and commanded it be observed. Not for You; for us. Because You anticipated burnout and all the problems of the modern era.

For me it was, your body is at replacement stage and you know this. So you are done and I am commanding eternal rest for you.

I didn’t want to hear this. Fortunately, You are faithful so the Bible study continued.

Sermons Aren’t Random

If you manage to get to a church service live or online, that is a Divine appointment.

Yes churches have problems; I have seen them all by now. But He uses even the WORST ones. He really does!

The pastor has Divine authority. Take the preaching seriously. It might be wrong somehow, but the Lord let it be proclaimed.

So He had a reason for that, and some reason for getting you to that particular service.

Surrender Is The Key

What You showed me (at this GOOD church Bible study) and continue to show me is: it is all about SURRENDER. My will or Yours? What will it be?

Beware The Wolves!

There are wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing leading ministries and churches. They look and sound godly, but they are serving poison! Don’t drink the Koolaid!

I am NOT talking about your brother or sister struggling with issues. Help him or her, pray for them, rescue them. You will need rescued yourself someday!

The wolves KNOW they are wolves and do what they do knowingly and deliberately. Those MUST be avoided and resisted!

Self Will Vs. God’s Will

The Bible says you shall know them by their fruit. Their guiding principle is SELF WILL so they will grow and bear the fruits of self will.

The Bible calls these poisonous fruits “the acts of the flesh” and lists them.

“The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factionsand envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.” ~ Galatians 5:19-21, NIV.

Conversely, a true believer has the Holy Spirit as their OS (Operating System). Yes, the difference between success and failure in the Christian life is: are YOU your OS or is the Holy Spirit your OS???

The Holy Spirit, or GOD’S WILL, being the guiding principle of a believer can be discerned by that person’s behavior. Here is what the Bible says to look for.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” ~ Galatians 5:21-23, NIV.

Wolves obviously deliberately hide their true nature. Sometimes it can take time for the truth to surface. But it inevitably does.

The Three Areas To Surrender

I totally got all this from the Bible study and credit the pastor for his ideas. I am doing a blog post about his study. Thank you for your faithfulness in preaching, dear brother.

Sin

And that is where everyone stops reading haha. Oh boy I have to CHANGE. What did you just feel very uncomfortable about? You might need to do something about that.

We are ALL sinners. Nobody is perfect! Everyone is in exactly the same boat; I don’t care how good they look. The Lord sees the heart!

My sins were and are struggling with fear, doubt, worry, sadness and DENIAL. Denial is a big issue: it is my favorite defense mechanism and causes a LOT of problems.

I am constantly confessing those and asking the Lord to fix/remove them. Have made tremendous progress as a result, but NOT perfect and will not be while alive.

Self

The Lord hit me hard with this one. My SELF wants to live on in my body, and this is natural. I just want my body to go on and on like the Energizer Bunny. Just keep replacing the batteries, the mechanical parts, anything needing replaced.

My body can live forever!

Truth is the bunnies in those commercials are probably scrapped somewhere. Also multiple ones were likely made due to mechanical breakdowns.

That is the reality of all physical objects. Even stars die, Anakin.

The Tragic Tale Of Anakin Skywalker

img_20190124_212447 — Base image © Lucasfilms, modified by me.

Darth Vader HAPPENED as he couldn’t accept Padme’s approaching death. Anakin took matters into his own hands to save her; self will ruled him.

Instead of saving her, he became Darth Vader and personally brought her death about, as well as largely destroyed himself. Yes, in trying to AVOID her death, he ACHIEVED it.

She likely would be alive if he had just surrendered, accepted, and did his job!

Star Wars is FICTION but accurately describes the results of pursuing self will!

Death Is The Inevitable Result of Birth

My body will die and all are in denial. I will not die, meaning my soul. I will live on, go to Heaven, and get a new body someday.

People are acting like this is some special circumstance instead of something that will ultimately happen to ALL of them too!

I cannot believe I have to point out cemeteries are full of bodies that belonged to Christians. Clearly God DOESN’T heal everyone.

People Go A Little Crazy When Death Is Involved

It isn’t confined to Christians. Nederland, Colorado, USA has an annual festival celebrating the fact some guy had his body put on ice in hopes he could eventually reuse it someday.

It is called “Frozen Dead Guy Days” and they drink beer, dress in costumes, throw a parade, and party for a few days. Every year.

That body is good for nothing. It is possibly stew meat for cannibals, is probably degraded beyond scientific use, is badly frozen according to locals, and probably smells horrible.

But they pay for its upkeep and throw an annual festival around it. Because people are irrational when death is involved. And it’s a good excuse for a party.

Also see Irish wakes for that one.

Rambling So Not Dealing With Your Point, Lord

My body is going kaput. Uncertain when but this is a happening thing. I have abundantly explained why in various entries here.

For me, crucifying self is accepting this.

Not looking for a miracle cure. Already miraculously alive. Even the Lord only repairs/replaces to a certain point. He said it is time to rest so it is.

My soul continues to be strong and getting stronger. Like I do not even understand what the Lord transformed me into, but praise the Lord for His amazing, wonderful work!

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” ~ Psalm 139:14, NIV.

EVERYTHING I do, unless it is a result of sin/self will, is done by Him through me. The writing, the art, photos, the video my friend helped with. Here, Facebook, LinkedIn, DA.

The Lord is throwing a Celebration of Life for me and inviting who He wants to come. If you are reading this, you made the invite list!

Stuff

This honestly isn’t much of an issue for me due to my radical life experiences. Most people are enslaved by their money and possessions.

Not surrendering your stuff to God, therefore, will make it available for enemy use. You will fight a lot of battles over money and possessions.

Almost everyone struggles in this area.

Conclusion

This is a process for me and I think everyone else too. The Lord is using the process of my death to teach fundamental truths about life.

Thanks to Pastor Ron of Kingdom of Hearts for the Bible study that inspired this post! You can find it here.

Crushed By Doubt

January 24, 2019January 24, 2019Posted in Text Post, VideoTagged christianity, doubts, fears, jesus christ, music, questions, Video14 Comments

Oh dear Lord Jesus Christ, only You know how lonely this road is.

I think I know what is truth, what is reality. But know how easily I am deceived also.

I don’t know what to make of what is happening to me. My body literally works in a supernatural way.

No one knows how terrified and alone I feel, Lord. Looking for light, hope, and direction.

I just know that You are in control. That You have everything handled as usual.

I relinquish the reins. Death, life, whatever You want is acceptable.

Last night I walked through an entire mall where I had gone to do my errand.

Stood in a clothing store and said to myself, if for some reason I live shopping here, these sales prices are great!

Walked through the mall wanted nothing in it. You know I used to hang out in malls as a refuge.

You know I had a shopping problem and was basically addicted to buying jewelry.

Walked through nothing interested me. Desired none of it. Just stuff, just possessions.

Even I noticed this and said to myself, oh Lord who have You made me into???

I Don’t Know How To Be Vulnerable

January 24, 2019Posted in Text PostTagged death, mental health, musings2 Comments

So I kinda started this as a little death diary for friends and it has gone a bit nuts.

I figured I would quietly rail away at life in a corner. I started a campfire, toasted marshmallows.

People showed up wanting s’mores so passed them out, told stories.

Now have an actual audience. I don’t believe in SEO anything as have never needed it. Google listing in two days!!

I hang out on LinkedIn and teach basic spiritual principles and how they apply to business. People are actually listening over there too.

I am so busy tonight I forgot about dying and went into denial.

Haha the video I must be smoking something. None of that is real. Maybe I am being reactionary.

Except it is real. It is ALL real. I didn’t quote from the results the hospital gave me. I didn’t photograph the actual paperwork for the video.

But those are the real diagnoses, so the conclusions are valid ones also.

The Lord obviously is arranging every last detail of my life as usual. I am getting some pushback as my friends try to cope.

But my inbox would be flooded with messages of hope if there were any. My friend would have flat out refused to help make the video.

The Lord is gracious and corrects sincere mistakes. This is no mistake.

So because I am me, what is actually happening is I am helping all my friends come to terms with my upcoming departure.

They are having various issues and I am mostly okay. This is not the normal situation!

I went to the Lord tonight upset about this. I said, why am I not lying comfortably in a bed slowly passing? Why do I not have people surrounding me singing Kumbayah?

He said, “Do you really need help right now?”

“No, Lord, I am basically okay.”

He said, “Do they need help?”

“Yes, Lord, they do.”

“Okay then.” And that was that.

I have really really never gotten this and started this blog to figure out why I am Jephthah’s Daughter! The girl who was happy her dad came home, greeted him dancing and singing.

For that, she ended up on an altar. People find it hard to believe she was a human sacrifice, but the plain meaning of the text is she was.

It wasn’t her fault. She was just happy her father came home, just coming out to greet him to show him how much she loved him.

It wasn’t her fault he swore this terrible rash vow to the Lord. It honestly wasn’t the Lord’s fault. It was solely Jephthah’s.

He was a complete idiot. Because of his sheer stupidity, she ended up a burnt sacrifice instead of whatever life she had planned.

I have largely spent my 4+ years of life loving and helping others, but learning the depths of human evil and selfishness in responses received.

I am rather expert in demonology. I know far too much about Satanists and the occult.

I learned so much about drugs and crime from people into that; I was able to spot a crime ring that moved into my old neighborhood.

I have an exhaustive mental health/abuse history. There is very little I cannot discuss with authority.

I can spot and analyze bad behavior patterns and lies from miles away. I would be a great and accurate profiler.

So I therefore am at ease with a potential killer on a bus. I know what to do with him.

I wouldn’t have the faintest idea how to relate to a real loving family. I don’t understand love, mercy or kindness as I usually don’t receive them.

I did acquire some great friends at the end of my life who do show me love, mercy, and kindness. I have far more than I thought and grateful.

But the rest of the world continues to crap on me like normal.

Maybe someone could help if I let them. I won’t let anyone help me but Jesus as pretty much everyone else failed me at some point.

In the meantime, what this has made me…wow I honestly don’t even understand myself.