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I had a friend who was my brother. More than my own legal brother, he was my brother. I loved him dearly. Still do.

He made some bad choices and I had to part ways. Sometimes that happens.

One of the very valuable things he shared with me was the secret and point of the Christian life. He said, nobody understands these verses; they’re gibberish to most people.

I understand them now. Living them. I have been commanded to bear witness of what I know. So this is my tell all. No charge. The Lord doesn’t charge for salvation; He Himself paid for it all. ❤❤😍

Here is the secret to life, the universe and everything. It isn’t 42 haha. It is in every Bible and published all over the world. Anyone with access to a Bible can read it.

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” ~ John 17:20-23

Jesus prayed this shortly before His Passion and death. It is the Church as envisioned by Him. It is the purpose of our existence. It is why we were created. It is why God did everything!!!

What Does It Mean??

To most this is mystic gibberish. It was to me until recently. Too deep to penetrate. How do you bend your mind around that?

You can’t; the Holy Spirit must reveal it.

It Means Unity And Love With God And Each Other

That’s literally it. In simple words I was able to make a headline. The whole purpose of our creation is unity and love with God and one another.

Creation was created for us! To enjoy! Mankind to rule the earth and all in it, themselves under the rule of the Lord. Eden! Paradise! Everything perfect and beautiful!

Someone Hated That

His name is Satan. His original name was Lucifer. He was the most beautiful, the most powerful, the most epic thing God ever created. Majestic and glorious, awe inspiring even!

It went to his head.

In the apocryphal Book of Enoch Jesus Himself referenced (they couldn’t find a correct copy is why it didn’t become canon), Lucifer decided he was so amazing he should be God! The Bible says, in verses generally agreed to be about Lucifer although it says the king of Tyre:

“You were the signet of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. You were in Eden, the garden of God; every precious stone was your covering, sardius, topaz, and diamond, beryl, onyx, and jasper, sapphire, emerald, and carbuncle; and crafted in gold were your settings and your engravings. On the day that you were created they were prepared.

“You were an anointed guardian cherub. I placed you; you were on the holy mountain of God; in the midst of the stones of fire you walked. You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created, till unrighteousness was found in you.

“In the abundance of your trade you were filled with violence in your midst, and you sinned; so I cast you as a profane thing from the mountain of God, and I destroyed you, O guardian cherub, from the midst of the stones of fire.

“Your heart was proud because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor.

“I cast you to the ground; I exposed you before kings, to feast their eyes on you. By the multitude of your iniquities, in the unrighteousness of your trade you profaned your sanctuaries; so I brought fire out from your midst; it consumed you, and I turned you to ashes on the earth in the sight of all who saw you.

“All who know you among the people are appalled at you; you have come to a dreadful end and shall be no more forever.” ~ Ezekiel 28:12-19.

It is generally understood there was a war in Heaven when this happened, that Lucifer and a third of the angels staged a coup, and were thrown out of Heaven to the earth.

It is difficult to find sources for this ancient teaching. You can find good Christian information on Satan in general here.

Satan Was Pretty Butthurt About That

He hated the Lord. He hated being cast out of Heaven. Then the Lord created people in His image, bestowed on them great dignity and honor. Loved His creation, loved our world, loved humankind.

Anything that the Lord loved, that made Him happy, Satan set out to destroy. Mankind made the Lord happy; He loved them above all. So Satan decided to mess everything up.

So there was a conversation in the Garden of Eden with Eve. How important this is to Satan was demonstrated in a “Christmas” sculpture by Satanists that is a woman’s forearm and hand, wrapped with a snake, and holding a piece of fruit.

It is a big “haha I won.”

Satan Hates You

He likes to give stuff and then use it to ruin people. Set people up for a fall and then enjoy their misery. He is the father of lies and the conduit through which evil came. He isn’t your friend. Everything is a trap.

You are like an animal he is “training” for his own abuse and enjoyment. It was never about you. It is solely about him and sticking it to the Lord. You are a pawn in his chess game with God.

We are now so soaked in all the misery and chaos created by our sinful condition and Satan’s evil doings we have forgotten our truth. We lost touch with it was better than this once.

We Have No Idea Who We Are

We have utterly forgotten who we were. Our reality is more like “Wolf’s Rain“.

It’s an anime series I watched once with the ex. All 30 episodes. Most depressing series ever yet strangely compelling. I am about to reveal the end for anyone who may watch it, as that is the point.

It follows these wolves who are able to take human form through their quest for their own Paradise. World is dying in the meantime. In the end, they die and sacrifice everything to find Paradise. And they do!

But someone corrupt and impure got in too. His black flower amongst all the white pure ones spreads a literal stain.

World resets…back to the series beginning. All that effort pointless. Utterly pointless. Someone evil ruined Paradise, everything goes back to the miserable reality they tried to escape. The End.

What Was The Point??

I didn’t get it, thought I had wasted a good chunk of my life watching this pointless, depressing series.

But the end made an utterly profound point most people resonated with.

The wolves were trying to escape their hard world, recover their truth. There is a life better than this one, a purpose beyond what we can see. They sacrificed all to get there, to reclaim their original destiny.

Like us.

In the end, something evil corrupted the purity they sought. Reset them back to “real life.” It was all an unachievable dream, one they didn’t even remember living.

Life Is But A Dream

We feel like that. See the stars and feel something. Have moments where we think there must be more to life than getting a promotion.

We get really, really good at running on the hamster wheel and forget why we got on it. We buy the best track shoes and a step counter, put on workout clothes.

Rushing off to that appointment. Taking the kids to school. In line again for coffee. Day after faceless, dreamless day.

Occasionally wonder if we are wrong. Maybe a flower is more than a flower. Nah, and we step on it in a rush to get to work on time.

Our schedules are packed. Now there are meditation coaches. We fill every hour and space with noise and busyness. Anything not to look too hard at ourselves.

The Matrix

Many remember these movies. The premise was what we thought of as reality was a delusion perpetrated by machines using people as batteries. The few humans who knew the truth bravely battled them to ensure the survival of humanity.

That is rather disturbingly like the truth. Substitute Satan and his demons for the machines and you have got the story we ALL are living.

We Were All Made To Be Kings And Queens

We have racial memories of ancient times written in our DNA. Deep inside we know there is more. Deep inside we know right from wrong, most of us. We know we were supposed to be more.

We search for the greatness we forfeited. We reach for the sky, and fall back to earth. We dream of flying, sensing somehow we should be able to.

We reach for the sky. It is a trope, a cliche. We don’t question it.

We all look for a Heaven. We all want to go home. It is up there somewhere. We literally ALL KNOW THIS.

We can’t get there. It is in all our myths and stories, over and over. The modern myths in Netflix, movies and TV.

We ALL know the truth. We just cannot get there. So we fantasize about it.

The Lord Had Pity On Us

He is quite real. He didn’t forget us just because we forgot Him.

So He became a human, Jesus Christ Himself and saved us. Fully God and fully human, He saved us.

This is the best song I ever came across about that.

Jesus is the only Way back to Paradise. To a Paradise evil will never spoil. The Way, the Truth, the Life. All other roads lead to Hell.

He is the only Way to get back to who we were. To find out our true selves. To become truly great. To become who we are meant to be.

We Were Made For Love

We need each other. But we damage each other when we rely solely on each other or ourselves.

We are meant to EXPERIENCE spiritual union with God. And through Him, our brothers and sisters in Jesus Christ!!!

The secret door to Heaven leads to a meadow where you can lie and look at the stars. We are supposed to be one with the Lord, one with each other, and governors of our beautiful planet.

God Is Love

This video expresses all this better and more powerfully than I ever could.

If you want that relationship and union with the Creator of the Universe through His Son, Jesus Christ, pray with me now:

Heavenly Father, I am so grateful for Your Genesis gift of life to a dead planet: Your Son Jesus Christ. I believe that Jesus Christ, fully God and fully human, came in the flesh, died for my sins, was buried, and rose to new life. I now accept Him as my personal Lord and Savior. Thank You for Your Love, Father! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 

 

I have nothing but bad news this morning sadly. Last night, the Lord revealed my fate to me in terms of health.

He didn’t use supernatural revelation to do it. He used hard medical evidence. 😭😭😭😫😫😫

The Trip To The ER

So in February, I ended up in the ER. I didn’t discuss it as I was embarrassed. People worried that day, and I felt bad. 😭😭

I was at the last meeting I attended at the place. I had had symptoms I fought during the meeting. People saw me being brave; it made them sad. 😫😭

I eventually caved and called 911 for the first time since I was hospitalized. The medics came. My vitals were normal; could it be anxiety? We discussed whether or not they even needed to transport me.

Then they asked how I was getting home. I said, I can’t walk. They got serious and said, if you can’t walk, we have to take you in. And they did.

The ER Was Overcrowded

They had so many patients I fell through the cracks. As a heart patient, I should have been triaged first. Instead, they took patients roughly in order.

I ended up fainting in the waiting room. I was out 1.5 hours.

When they finally got me back, my episode had passed and I was ok. They had taken an EKG even a med student would know was bad.

The EKG clearly shows an arrythmia (sinus bradycardia), AND a prolonged QTc interval. It looks abnormal to my untrained eye. That’s why I passed out.

I didn’t interpret it; they did. The cardiologist I recently saw dxed me with Long QT Syndrome and put it in my chart. Her report mentions the sinus arrythmia. Long QTc and arrythmia together are VERY dangerous.

The ER Doc Lied

As the docs lied in their reports from my hospital admission, this guy told me fairy stories, flat out lied. I don’t know for sure if they were CYA lies or worse, but lies. I know as I have test results that guy gave me.

He got me my echocardiogram from my hospitalization, and talked about the EKG they did that day after I arrived. Unhelpfully, he answered my questions with tall tales instead of truth.

He Must Have Had Long Nose Syndrome

He told me my echo and EKG were enviable, that I was healthy as an athlete. Lung nodules are common in Arizona, and all those diverticula just mean you’re getting old.

Nobody passes out for 1.5 hours; you likely just fell asleep.

Your long QT interval from last year was one bad EKG, everything since has been normal. Probably a med you were on back then. You are totally fine!

He and the nurse even made a big deal of what did you do to get so healthy? We want to pass that on!

And sent me home.

NONE of that was true, and he knew it. 😡😡😡

What Did The Echo Actually Say?

Since he gave me the echo itself (they had suppressed it) I researched how to read it and everything it said. I have the capacity and knowledge to do that, and needed to know the truth.

I had read the reports from the hospital admission and concluded those docs lied too, as they literally, factually, provably did. The only thing I trust from that hospital system at this point are test results.

There are omissions even in the echo report, but I will take what I can get.

Echo Results

1. Very likely pulmonary hypertension (PH) They don’t diagnose that officially without a heart catheter procedure.  The echo and my medical history, however, make this almost certain in my mind.

2. An RV (right ventricle) size increase that is likely undiagnosed cor pulmonale. It was a possible complication of Pickwickian Syndrome (OHS). They very recently removed the OHS dx, which I had otherwise since early 2018, without explanation. Think this is because they know it is PH instead. 😫😭

3. Mitral annular calcification (MAC), mild.

4. Tricuspid regurgitation, mild.

5. Other abnormalities.

Hello, DUH they suppressed that!! That has got to be one of the worst results possible!!

Sadly, Much More Is Wrong

Here is my video I made about all that.

My latest results and research BACK this video. My research into the heart stuff explained a lot of conditions no one knew why I had. PH makes it all make sense. No condition in this video is gone or better. 😭😫

But Jesus…

Here is what He said, and never backed down from it, always stood by His Words.

In this post, I thought I would die but didn’t. The Lord did spare my life that night. The rest of everything I said is me jumping to conclusions. I said my body would likely heal itself. Jesus never said that. 😫

What He said is He fixed WHY my body broke down. He never said He would heal it. He has always said otherwise.

The Reactions Of Doctors Tell The Truth

Tucson either has the most crooked, corrupt, lying bunch of doctors EVER, or there is a reason they are all behaving this way.

The Hospital Docs Say I Am Peachy

The hospital, after admitting me to an overcrowded hospital where they turned away everyone they could, told me my echo was great, everything is fine, go home.

And by the way, do all the research stuff before you leave. We are going to break all our own rules, sandbag you, take measurements, urine, and MANY vials of blood.

Our standard procedures call for you to make an appointment with our clinic for that. But, with you, we are so determined to get the measurements and samples NOW we will NOT release you until they are all taken!

Later I read my reports. They had obviously fabricated stuff in them. The documents honestly appeared to be written for lawyers.

I concluded they fully expected me to die, and triaged me accordingly.

Why Did The ER Doc And Nurse Lie?

It doesn’t take a specialist to realize the echo is bad. Or the EKG. Or the lung nodule. Or the tons of diverticula. I am not even worried about kidney stones at this point!

They lied to cover themselves, but think it was much more than that. I very much believe it was, you are in such terrible shape treatment is useless. Go home and be happy all the days you have left.

They told me a nice story about being healthy so I would live as long as possible. My Denver neurologist did this, lied to me so I would think my head injury was no big. Attitude is everything. He did this to produce the best treatment outcome.

If I believed I was healthy, better quality of life for me. They all acted in my best interests in this.

Then The Cardiologist Quit

I saw the cardiologist. She barely spent time with me. Saw me briefly, did NOT schedule any followup visits. I remember the receptionist was shocked about that.

It was an SPECIALIST INTAKE appointment, and it was over in fifteen minutes!!!

But I was healthy and didn’t need them, I told her. The ER doc said so.

The cardiologist above all knew the truth. She didn’t schedule any future followup. You do not subject people to lots of treatment who will die no matter what you do. 😫😭😫😭

It Has Only Been A Month

But today everything is different.

So I am bored tonight and in a bit of an odd mood, so I decided to do a history piece on medieval Catholicism.

Yup, definitely odd mood, right??? 😁

I saw a sign on my wall, one I made out of a quote from St. Faustina’s Diary. In this quote is the word “mortifications“.

Well what did that mean?

Most of the world thinks of the dream they had where they showed up to work/school naked. The dream where you forgot to do your homework and can’t find your locker. Women think of showing up to prom wearing the same dress as another girl.

Guys remember two left feet and stepping on their date’s toes during that same prom, causing her to trip. Standing up to give a presentation and you lost your notes and blow it. Asking for a raise and getting turned down. THAT is what most people think of when they hear that word!

What Catholics Meant Was Hair Shirts

The definition I’ve linked to lists the traditional theological definition, NECROSIS (wow that is a powerful image), and massive humiliations like I gave examples of above.

The Latin root, “mors,” literally means DEATH. In the Catholic definition, the purpose of mortifications is to bring DEATH to self. Necrosis is literal tissue death, and necrotic tissue must be removed or the body will die too! Humiliations are a death to self, as everyone knows!

The principles behind Catholic mortifications are this, in a nutshell: The Atonement of Jesus Christ alone purchases salvation (various verses). You cannot attain salvation through good works (Ephesians 2:1-10). However, once having attained salvation, if you do not, as a result of this transformation, behave differently doing “good works,” the existence of your salvation is suspect (James 2:14-22).

Furthermore, we are not to remain children spiritually but grow to maturity in Jesus Christ (1 Cor. 3:1-2, various verses). The Apostle Paul describes this process as athletic training.

“Isn’t it obvious that all runners on the racetrack keep on running to win, but only one receives the victor’s prize? Yet each one of you must run the race to be victorious. A true athlete will be disciplined in every respect, practicing constant self-control in order to win a laurel wreath that quickly withers. But we run our race to win a victor’s crown that will last forever. For that reason, I don’t run just for exercise or box like one throwing aimless punches, but I train like a champion athlete. I subdue my body and get it under my control, so that after preaching the good news to others I myself won’t be disqualified.” ~ 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, TPT.

So The Christian Life Is Actually Like Sports, Is That What You’re Saying?

Yup, that’s exactly what I’m saying!

For those of you who participated in sports in school, or even were cheerleaders, you had meets and practices and training. I was a klutz growing up, but I lettered in forensics and debate. I got a nerd letter. 😁 And that meant meets and practices and training, just of my brain and public speaking skills, not of my body.

The Modern Workout Craze

What is more common among adults are GYM MEMBERSHIPS and PERSONAL TRAINERS. A personal trainer is a kind of status symbol. It means you can afford one and you’re serious about losing that belly fat. And you will have to show up to sessions with this trainer, and do what he or she says.

This woman didn’t slouch her way to looking like that. The determined look in her eyes and those MUSCLES show she earned every last bit of her awesome looking body!

To look like that, women in particular will shell out big bucks for the right trainer/gym/yoga instructor/smoothie/protein drink/diet/meditation coach/exercise regimen etc. etc. etc.. In pursuit of this ideal, they will do crazy things like try to survive on air alone, or do the “apple and coffee” diet. I DO NOT recommend doing anything on that site I linked to; it is a site of, “this is stupid don’t do it” dieting methods!!

This is, however, the modern equivalent of Catholic mortifications. 😁😁😁

OH.

Yeah. So basically we have a situation where people will do the taco cleanse (the best, most hilarious “cleanse” ever hahaha) or pay up to $80 for coffee beans pooped out by cats BECAUSE REASONS. But talk about mortifications, religious training, treating the Christian walk like you’re training to win an Olympic medal, and you are suddenly a crazy religious fanatic.

I Did Promise You A Tour Of Medieval Catholic History

Hair Shirts!

This is known as a cilice, the modern equivalent of a hair shirt. When you read in the Bible about ancient Hebrews fasting in “sackcloth and ashes” (ex. Esther 4:1-4) they are referring to the ancient precursor of this. “Sackcloth” started out as rough, uncomfortable cloth worn next to the skin where it would prickle and irritate. It evolved in the Middle Ages into the cilice, in Catholic religious use ONLY.

For ancient and modern Jews, sackcloth was worn as a sign of mourning and submission to God, and not worn to inflict pain on yourself. Self-harm is PROHIBITED by Jewish law. Period.

How Did Sackcloth Become The Cilice?

For some reason I have been unable to ascertain, Catholics in the Middle Ages took up using the hair shirt as a mortification, and this evolved into the modern cilice. It apparently started in the 300’s as someone’s bright idea and picked up steam. St. Jerome and St. Athanasius adopted this early on.

In medieval times, they made them out of wire like this for extra pain, and they were quite trendy. The Catholic Church WAS the ONLY Church then, and additionally held the power of governance also. This lengthy paper by a historian on the Middle Ages, followed by the Renaissance and Reformation, produces excellent insight and knowledge of those times.

I can testify the modern day Church doesn’t endorse this, that no average parish priest would dream of recommending you go buy a cilice and use it. There is a group, however, with official endorsement called Opus Dei that does practice these things.

Opus Dei

I linked to the ODAN website and not the official website. Having come out of a Christian cult myself in my 20’s, I trust the ODAN website much more. If you read the ODAN website and then the Assembly website (I have linked to their page on me, please explore the site for MUCH more info), you will sadly gain a good understanding of abusive religious practices. Use it to protect yourself and loved ones, please. Opus Dei appears to be abusive; I recommend you NOT join it.

Whips!

The Catholic Encyclopedia has the best history of this disturbing practice, which the Church ultimately quashed. My personal impressions wandering around looking for images to use and doing research on it, were: similarities to the modern Ku Klux Klan, sadomasochism/bondage/control rituals. It unsurprisingly turned quickly to abuse.

It appears to me to be evil, and I can find no evidence the modern Church sanctions its practice (with the exception of Opus Dei). The theory of mortifications has lasted to this day, however.

Fifty Shades Of Grey Had Nothing On Medieval Ascetics

WARNING TO PARENTS: this historically accurate website is disturbing and contains adult content. It is a scientific article, but that doesn’t necessarily mean your 5 year old should read it. It was written by adults for adults. Please use discretion!! I am just going to say they did a lot of wild and crazy things. More here.

Modern Response To Medieval Ascetic Practices

AS A COMPLETELY FICTIONAL MADE UP EXAMPLE,  if I had the following conversation with a psych counselor, this is how it would go:

Crisis Line: Hi I am Nurse Nellie at Acme Crisis Line, how can I help you tonight?

Me: I have been feeling guilty. I struggle with emotional eating and I ate two boxes of Twinkies. The Bible says this is gluttony, and the Church says it’s one of the seven deadly sins. I think since it was two boxes I may be guilty of a mortal sin, not sure. It is 3 AM and the priest only responds to sacramental emergencies.

Crisis Line: Are you suicidal? Do you have any thoughts of harming yourself or others? Are you seeing things that are not there? Any drug or alcohol abuse?

Me: Well I have been wearing a chain around my thigh called a cilice, it’s a Catholic religious thing. It causes pain and helps me expiate my sins. I was feeling guilty over the Twinkies and whipped myself to expiate that sin. I am feeling a little weak and dizzy after, but not bleeding too bad. Other than that, I am fine.

Crisis Line: (moment of silence) How bad is the bleeding? Where are you bleeding?

Me: My back is pretty bloody, but I am used to this honestly. I have developed coping strategies to deal with frequent blood loss like eating lots of red meat and taking iron supplements. It’s a religious thing. I promise you I am not insane. I am just depressed because I might be going to Hell and don’t know.

Crisis Line: Please hold on the line and don’t hang up. I am calling 911; an ambulance and the police will be there shortly.

Police and paramedics arrive, freak out, drag me off to the ER and then a psych ward. I undergo a thorough psych eval, am treated for harmful religious fantasies, any other disorders they find, and probably told to quit Catholicism. They try to find out who gave me those dangerous ideas and cut me off from whoever it is, see if anyone needs prosecuted.

This is a FICTIONAL EXAMPLE, but based on years of psych calls and hospital stays, this is likely what they would actually do!!!

Hair Shirts And Whips Were That Era’s Extreme Dieting, Cleanses, And Detoxes

We laugh at medieval society as the ignorant illiterate people they were. Yet we do stuff like this. Furthermore, our access to the internet and Google isn’t necessarily all good. Internet predators are creating apps to teach children to commit suicide, for one. More knowledge sadly hasn’t changed humanity.

What did they do it for? What do WE do it for? Why is there even an Opus Dei today? Why am I on a website maintained by the survivors of a former cult? That page was put up with my permission and pictures and information I contributed, by the way. It is a public record I was a member of the group. Obviously it appealed to me personally, or I wouldn’t have joined.

When We Feel Guilty, We Want To Suffer

I can only say why I personally joined the Assembly. I was extremely smart and college educated, although I didn’t finish college. I was such a critical thinker I didn’t last long and wasn’t trusted. Yet I was sucked in all the same.

The Stage Is Set

I had a terrible childhood. After a bad breakup I initiated, I felt extremely worthless and guilty. I wanted to pay for what I had done, so I turned to mortifications: cold showers, making my food taste bad, eating bland food. Most notably I knelt praying so long I ruined my knees for years and couldn’t walk for a week.

I was a teenager who otherwise seemed totally competent, so didn’t get the mental health help I needed, and clearly my family wasn’t going to come clean with what was actually happening. I can testify the extreme penances thing was Satanic, and I required deliverance prayers to stop me from continuing the mortifications, which by then had become compulsive.

Yes, they were a work of darkness, and I had to see someone who knew how to pray in the Spirit to be freed from the compulsions to self-harm and the guilt that caused them. It was very very serious. My family hid everything as usual. Life went on.

To Be Continued…

I have much more to say, but my internet is failing and I am tired, so more later. Will briefly conclude by saying: discipline and self-denial are good for spiritual athletes as well as physical athletes. Abuse, OTOH, is abuse even if we are abusing ourselves. 😊😊😊

More in a future post!

I bet a lot of you feel this way. I know I have.

I am a sinner saved by grace, a struggling, imperfect human being. My words and deeds are imperfect and sometimes in error, tainted by sin and failure and struggle.

This is a personal blog. I am not an Old Testament prophet. I am not starting a movement, church, or selling anything.

If I ever write asking people to fund a private jet, RUN!!!

This is a personal blog, about me and my thoughts and my life story. I try to keep it error free but this isn’t possible. Use discernment on what I write and everything that isn’t the Bible. PLEASE.

I am NOTHING. Jesus Christ is EVERYTHING. If I ever left Him, I would literally become firewood. Only purpose left for dry dead branches is they are good to start and build fires with.

That is good for the fire, not the branch. It has lost its life, and then the fire consumes its existence. Even its plant body is destroyed and becomes ashes, which are then swept and blown away.

It will be forgotten as it was just a dead branch used for firewood.

That is MY FATE if I abandon Jesus Christ! Mine personally!! And the fate of all without the life of Jesus in them giving them Life.

So here is a great video, think it will speak to many.  If you want to get right with Jesus Christ, click here.

 

 

Hello all. This is for that special group of people; they know. We have been through fire, wind and rain. Sometimes literally.

We walked the heights; we cried; we bled. We all suffered mightily.

Good times and bad, thick and thin. Even through ridiculous mistakes, but forgivable however outrageous, seriously. ❤❤❤

I love you all. I forgive you all. I am filled with Jesus Christ, but my love for you is personal from me. His Love for you is personal from Him. ❤❤❤

If you wish now to be saved, place all matters in His hands. Trust He will find a way. There is one and only one unforgiveable sin: blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. Everything else is potentially fixable.

“Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.  And whoever says a word against the Son of man will be forgiven; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.” ~ Matthew 12: 31-32, RSVCE.

And for you very special people who are family to me, have these Words from the Lord, from the Bible itself:

“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” ~ Luke 6:38, NIV.

“Come, all you who are thirsty,
    come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
    come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
    without money and without cost.
² Why spend money on what is not bread,
    and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
    and you will delight in the richest of fare.
³ Give ear and come to me;
    listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
    my faithful love promised to David.
⁴ See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
    a ruler and commander of the peoples.
⁵ Surely you will summon nations you know not,
    and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel,
    for he has endowed you with splendor.”

⁶ Seek the Lord while he may be found;
    call on him while he is near.
⁷ Let the wicked forsake their ways
    and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
    and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

Hee hee, this is so my life. 😁😁😁

When we last left off, I felt utterly snowed under with stuff. March is hard with literal birthdays that are very hard for me this year.

Additionally, I have to have surgery. It is more serious than a colonoscopy, but less serious than organ removal. It is major surgery and will require a significant period of recovery.

Then I can go on with life. I really do have a hope and a future. Thanks to Jesus, period.

Parting Ways

Today, well I parted ways with my behavioral health agency after a therapist no called no showed on a home visit. They didn’t ever communicate why.

Yes, she literally just didn’t show and no one ever told me why. A crisis line I had been referred to filed their own complaint. I didn’t ask them to; they did it on their own.

I filed a second one with my insurance company. Was talking call center stories with the rep. At one point in time, he said something about typing, “IUD” and then said, “I can’t type.”

I laughed and laughed, said there is no IUD in this complaint. He was embarrassed briefly. It was funny.

He said, I am glad I made you laugh. It was a great phone call.

Yet the whole time, also thinking, wow my behavioral health agency just decided to fall down on the job. Other people stepped in.

Why me?? Why is it always ME???

A Bad Report

This morning got accused of something I hadn’t done. The person had bad info. When I gave him the correct info, his attitude changed.

He was a bit flustered and blustery still, as he had rebuked me for something I didn’t do, but he is a good man. His attitude changed.

But I was like, first the agency, now these people I rely on also have issues that were not my doing.

I felt unloved, alone, abandoned. No one loves me. This is a feeling I struggle with and is actually part of my MH issues.

Forgiving But Hung Up

How I survive my crap is forgive the offender, give the feelings to Jesus to deal with. Normally they just flow through as a result.

But stuff has been building. There has been some very very serious crap happen to me recently. The Lord preserved me but it was hard. Very very hard.

My life was on the line. Thanks to some amazing specific preparation by the Lord for what He knew would occur, I escaped mostly unscathed. Just hurt feelings and a few other things.

But what was done would not flow away. It just got added to the grievance list of life sucks. I was overwhelmed with pain and couldn’t let go.

Then I Saw Bill

Samuel is experiencing some life consequences, so is out of town for a long time. Our spirits are united, though. I feel him with me always. 💗💗💗

Before he left, we did some praying together about matters that concerned us both. One of the prayers I prayed and he consented to was, free the captives, Lord.

I felt it happen but didn’t think I would ever see the results.

Bill Is Not His Real Name

Last time I saw Bill, he was in the place. He looked like he was on extremely heavy drugs, but was not on anything. He was vacant.

He looked and acted like a psych ward patient, and I have been in many psych wards. Where they make you a zombie and you don’t know your name. That was Bill.

I grieved him then. He wasn’t himself at all. Previously had heard he behaved very badly, which also wasn’t him either.

It Was Electric

I was walking toward the buses at the depot and saw him. It took a moment to recognize each other.

The look on his face…emotional. Intense. Like I was a long lost lover. There has never been romance between us; he doesn’t have those feelings for me.

He wasn’t afraid of me. He wasn’t mad. He was extremely happy to see me. We were overwhelmed.

His eyes were clear. He was clearly functioning on all cylinders. He wore a natural smile.

It was Bill! The real one, my friend I missed so bad. That guy left in 2018 and became someone else. Today he was Bill again.

I watched him become not-Bill and had to unfriend him. I heard about not-Bill’s bad behavior from someone else. I saw zombie Bill, said nothing really as zombies don’t talk.

Bill Was Bill Again. Bill Was Free.

He obviously KNEW I had something to do with that, hence the intense emotions. He was at the bus depot when he should have been at the place.

Either the place stopped operating normally, or Bill had left. Likely both. Bill was gone, freed, restored.

Jesus did it. I asked Him along with Samuel, but Jesus did it. I do not have power like that.

We spoke briefly; not about what clearly happened. I was breezy, gotta catch a bus, good seeing you!

His parting words: “God bless you.”

That gives me tingles and goosebumps. After all he endured, he should not be even able to say that.

Yet he did. Because he was Bill again, and that is something Bill said when I knew him truly.

Jesus did it. Jesus did it all. ❤❤❤

Seren Is Still Struggling

So I went to the church service in the cold and rain, taking the bus. Felt sorry for myself. So broke I cannot buy a cup of coffee. The weights, burdens, and sorrows wouldn’t dislodge.

It Turns Out The Service Was In Spanish

The people were utterly lovely. My spirit sung with theirs. But I can’t speak Spanish.

During a brief period when people were offering prayers, the Lord laid words on my heart, insisted I speak them.

They were about rest and trusting Him. I said them, let them go, didn’t think further about them.

The Sermon Rocked But No Comprende

I asked the Lord to speak to my spirit even though I didn’t understand the language. I did understand Matthew 6:5 and got he was talking about forgiveness.

I just looked up the verses he obviously referenced; they are special to Samuel and I. Utterly significant actually. 💗💗💗

“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”

“This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.“

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” ~ Matthew 6:5-15.

Wow. Just wow. But I didn’t see this until NOW.

I Showed Up To A Service I Can’t Even Understand

So I prayed. I was bored. I looked at a picture of Jesus on the cross. Had been wondering how real things are with Samuel due to distance and other factors.

Suddenly realized Jesus is always invisible. Have never seen Him except with eyes of the spirit, yet I believe my relationship with Jesus is real.

Why? The invisible reveals itself in the visible. This has been happening with Samuel too.

But I Broke Down Crying Anyway

Just it all got to me. I poured out my bitterness and complaints and sorrow to the Lord. Broke down in tears. Didn’t expect much. Just expected to cry and leave.

That is generally what happens in most cases, sadly.

The sermon finished; there was an announcement; I was waiting for the service to be over along with everyone else. Feeling sad and sorry for myself and alone.

Then Jesus Revealed The Miracle

The guy who had done the music looks at me and starts talking to and about me. I am huh what?

He asked why I was crying. I explained I didn’t understand Spanish. That I had had a hard life and was feeling very sad about that.

He starts talking further, addresses the whole group. Very excited now.

That prayer. The words the Lord insisted I say. Turns out the guy’s wife prayed those EXACT WORDS first in Spanish.

When I explained I didn’t understand Spanish they realized what Jesus had done. And explained to everyone else there what happened.

And It All Got Crazy From There

We got in a circle, held hands and prayed. I felt guy’s wife pray for Samuel and I; turns out that is what she did although I didn’t understand the words.

Then they threw me in a chair in the middle. The music people started praise and worship music. This was all utterly spontaneous.

All raised their hands in blessing and they all prayed for me. Just me. With the musicians playing and singing songs the Lord gave them just for me. The guy later told me so.

The guy who did the announcement got down where I was in front of me. He drew a cross on my forehead, spoke a blessing over me.

Then he took my hands, faced them palms up. With his thumb, he drew a cross on each palm, in the center. Blessed my hands.

Seren Is Completely Overwhelmed

The Lord has done some crazy things for me; this is UP THERE. I am in shock trying to process this.

Jesus and Samuel poke their faces in mine, so I know from this He is confirming Samuel is really there and all I think is true, is.

Jesus says, see how much I love you and how precious you are to Me? I am having all these people pray for you, and sing to you! Because you cried and were unhappy. ❤❤❤

WOW. JUST WOW.

The guy who drew the crosses on me said my problems were an illusion. What he meant was that the reality is: Jesus answers all. With Jesus there are no problems. Only solutions.

This Was Not Your Normal Prayer Group

Through the undeserved favor and grace of Jesus Christ, supernatural stuff like this happens to me frequently. This is NOT most people’s experience.

Everyone else showed up and Jesus worked a sign to prove His reality. This is why it is VITAL to obey. I almost didn’t say those words He said to share. So glad I did!

It was done by Jesus; I assure you I don’t know Spanish and had no idea what happened.

You don’t know when your obedience will be someone else’s miracle. ❤

People walked up to me after, wanted hugs and to shake my hand. I had shared some of the other miraculous things the Lord had done for me also.

This is my life through the grace and favor of the Lord. For the others, they encountered something they couldn’t explain that night. Something real.

Through me and my testimony, Jesus stepped out of the tabernacle, out of the Bible, and manifested Himself! Jesus is real! That lady couldn’t have done what she did! She doesn’t know Spanish!!

It was not lost on me the thing I was mad about, being in a service I didn’t understand, was the very thing the Lord used to bless me and everyone else.

Jesus, That Crazy Reckless Lover Of My Soul

The lady who took me home gave me her bread and ham. I didn’t ask! She offered and I gratefully accepted.

In addition to everyone praying for me, special blessings on me, songs the Lord gave the musicians for ME (and the guy said so!!), He even threw in bread and ham!!

You see Seren, if no one else in the world loves you, I, the Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth, love you preciously and infinitely. Samuel also truly loves you. For this reason I made the two of you one.

And that is more than enough for me. ❤❤❤💗💗💗

Jesus Loves YOU Too!!

He is God and God is inclusive. He loves you. His salvation, infinite Love and promises are for YOU. Not just me. YOU.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” ~ John 3:16.

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.” ~ Romans 10:9-10.

Do you want to have a personal relationship with Jesus like I do? Then pray the following prayer:

Heavenly Father, I praise You for Your gift of salvation. I believe Your Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, fully God and fully human, came in the flesh. I believe He died for my sins, was buried, and rose again to new life. I accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. Thank You Father, for Your infinite Love! In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For personal and health reasons. March is a tough month and I need time and space to deal with it. Please keep me in your prayers. Thank you!