The priest was great. We connected. I want to get to know this guy.
He talked about the poor; that’s me! Yay he is afflicting the comfortable; about time someone did that.
But then he afflicted me too. What are you willing to do for the Kingdom? Are you willing to do what the Lord wants you to do?
The Lord had been quietly speaking to me about a certain person. There is no real life evidence this person wants me in their life. Just the opposite, as they unfriended me even.
No reason I should believe this person means me anything well right now. But the Lord said: this is your future. Despite all appearances, despite what you can’t see, this is the truth.
And when I received the Eucharist, He brought me that person and rebonded us. Recreated that union we once had.
The Eucharist is the gold standard of a real encounter with Jesus Christ. I really can’t wonder if random experience in random church was the Holy Spirit or not. The Eucharist IS literally Jesus Himself!
So if, when I receive Him, He then also brings me this other person too, then that is a thing. It just is.
This person’s heart is back too, but now somehow his heart and my heart are the same also. This was also done in the Eucharist, again by the same gentle Mother who did it in the first place.
I was terrified; I was hurt. I was not neutral about what happened between us. I was not neutral at all. The Lord said, let me recreate this. It was hard and scary and hurt. But I said yes.
The Communion song was “Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace”. An old favorite. St. Francis of Assisi. It seemed appropriate.
As the last strains of music sounded, I realized I was in the right place, doing the right thing, taking the path forward the Lord wants.
Despite all current appearances, maybe that person will be there with me in church bodily one day.
Today I helped a woman whose minor daughter was sexually abused. As there is a case pending, will not speak further about that.
I helped her. Then was overwhelmed.
I am not a professional forensic specialist. I just have the knowledge of one. From my own and others’ life experiences.
I know what it is to be a shattered little girl as I was.
I know what happens to teenage boys who do this and aren’t stopped. One of his victims and I talked years later about all he did, since no one did anything about what he did to me.
I know the minds of abusers well from personal experience with them of all kinds.
I know what happens to women who report sexual abuse from friends who did.
I know from the painful experience of a friend who tried to bring an abuser to justice that justice sometimes miscarries.
I know what happens to sex offenders as I knew one.
I heard what is available to victims from a man who committed a small offense and his ex milked it.
I drew on all this knowledge to help. Honey, today a village helped you. The experience of many, people who faced this, survived, and passed the knowledge on.
This morning I am commemorating the lost. The fallen. The ones who weren’t saved like the people in the video.
Timothy’s ultimate act of sacrifice and love. That was necessary to save me from the trap HE had created. That he couldn’t be saved in the end due to the choice HE made.
How much better to never have made any of those choices! I would be with him instead of everything reminds me of you. But you aren’t here, so my world is shattered.
I now know and am living what someone I also deeply loved lived. A girl who was his world ended her own life. It is how we met.
She was a troubled, brilliant, beautiful soul. He was drawn like a moth to a flame. Saw her in real life in the most important, meaningful four days he ever lived.
She hung herself. He spent the rest of his life talking about her, memorializing her. He was working on putting together a book about her. I understand all that now.
I understand all the very dark aspects too, and helped him be free of that before he died himself. He was old and sick; he went pretty naturally I believe.
I see how his life got sucked like a vacuum into that past, to where he even had a fantasy relationship with her dead spirit.
I asked him, as he was extremely spiritually aware and talented, if there was any reality to everything he was saying.
His answer was a very broken, No. He knew as well as I did dead people stay where God puts them.
Spirits that visit you are living people or demons of some variety. Sometimes God’s angels. The Blessed Mother and saints have been known to specially appear.
But not, in general, those who have died. He knew. He was so lost he carried on a relationship with someone who died, so he knew she wasn’t really there.
He was so incredibly lonely. I loved him so deeply. He helped me survive the last four years of my legal marriage which emotionally was like living Saw.
Someone asked about the ex legal husband, wanted to know about that. I said you do not discuss living the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. She pushed a bit. I said, sarcastically, my wonderful husband Freddy Krueger. She stopped there.
I didn’t literally, but that is how it feels and felt. Brad helped me survive it. It was the Lord, Brad and I, living in Hell on earth. Brad stayed with me, went wherever I did, even if that was a place of literal torture.
I thought he was stuck and couldn’t leave. Think now he could’ve left any time and didn’t. He wanted to be there and stayed. I lived through stuff so horrible I got sick, my hair fell out, and my eyes permanently changed color.
I can’t say this was all the ex; I was living through a spiritual warfare nightmare I literally wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It takes extreme trauma to change your eye color permanently. Will leave that there.
The ex was jealous and tried to become Brad after I left him, because death do us part didn’t mean I should stay and die. Unfortunately chose some of his worst aspects to emulate.
But I understood what he was doing and why.
Brad and Timothy were not good people; this is the understatement of the year. No one ever comes to me who doesn’t know and understand darkness. We all had plenty, trust me.
But the not good people were the ones who truly loved and took care of me. Jesus has a special soft spot in His heart for a small group of Satanists who have something suspiciously like actual love for me, and would take care of me if they could.
He cannot bless them as they are Satanists, but He does what He can. And has told me they are more beloved to Him than many actual Christians.
The good people of the world were usually the ones that ended up failing me. Have seen this time and time again.
Went to church last night, not my new Catholic church, but the old Protestant evangelical one I tried to join. The spirit actually running the place tossed me out as a threat.
No one would speak to me. I started conversations; people walked away.
Very oddly, a pic which is indeed a general Facebook meme, but one I use to identify myself, was there. Someone had taken it and printed a bunch of copies.
It is a general meme; I didn’t create it, just adopted it. Who knows where they found it. But it was there, a bunch of copies for inspiration. Weird and very interesting.
And I sent them the link to the blog.
The Our Father was there too, something I posted here.
I came home, had to do massive spiritual cleansing of the stuff that got on me and followed me home. I don’t blame the church for this. That particular service is to help broken people, who come and bring their demons with them. Literally.
I am like a vacuum cleaner and attract this. Fortunately know how to get clean, praise Jesus.
I have been around the lost, the broken, the mentally ill, and also around the successful people of the world. Here is what I have discovered.
Everyone is the same. Some people just also have money and power.
Here is to all the dead and the dying, even if you look alive and those around you are convinced you’re just fine. Jesus loves you. I do too. ❤❤❤
Due to confidentiality rules, I cannot say who was in my therapy group or what exactly they said. So I will discuss things said in general about addictions.
There was a general discussion as most of them battle it. The therapist participated, obviously.
I listened, fascinated, as they spoke of struggling with the urges, the voices that tempted them, the cravings that sucked them down and destroyed them.
One woman said addiction was the worst thing to ever happen to her.
Addiction was personal; it spoke to you and tempted you. It was tricky, cunning, cruel.
It consumed you and got worse and worse. You hit bottom after bottom; someone compared it to a sucking hole.
They started getting religious, after saying they weren’t. Someone finally said, not to get religious, but addiction is like the devil.
Ding ding ding!! I was screaming inside my head, that is because it literally IS a demon!!
It was so utterly painfully obvious to me. Addiction is a spiritual issue in which a demon is controlling you and calling the shots.
As most people lack the spiritual power to get rid of this demon, many things have been created to help deal with the effects.
Ways of modifying your thinking to fight the urges and temptations. Medications to help with the pain of it all. Whole therapies and meds developed to help you LIVE with the demon.
The lie is it is lifelong and incurable, and so you must have massive coping skills. You do need massive coping skills. I learned them all, and concluded they did help me cope.
They didn’t heal me or solve anything. Modern psychology and psychiatry is built around helping the patient live with problems they cannot solve, and know they can’t.
A demon is indeed a lifelong and incurable condition if you do not know the truth! Or if you do, how to get rid of it.
The Bible says you can’t use demons to cast out demons. Joining the occult is like joining the Mafia. More powerful spirits “protect” from lesser ones, but it is all the Mafia at the end of the day.
I am not going to talk further about the details of deliverance ministry, other than this is the clear and only remedy. Only Jesus can solve your demon issues; you will find this is true in the end.
I am not going to conveniently link to any resources either. I recommend finding a Catholic exorcist. They are honestly hard to get to; the Church protects their identities. But go to a Catholic church, talk to a priest.
I cannot in good conscience recommend Protestant ministries that may be fine now and corrupt tomorrow. Catholicism has issues, but it has power and authority granted to only it by the Lord Himself.
Other little podunk churches usually end up listening to some other spirit and run off the rails. Actually big ones too. Joel Osteen comes to mind.
Mainstream evangelicalism is a hotbed of magickal, occult practices. I will stick with Catholicism, thanks.
A quick note as literally not enough can be said on this subject.
Watch this great music video please. It directly addresses the subject of suicide. In it, three people are tempted to kill themselves: the guy who lost his job, the recent widow, the teenage girl going through a breakup.
It powerfully shows them struggling with their emotions and the forces trying to get them to die. The boyfriend even texts her, u should just kill yourself.
I am here to tell you when people struggle with suicide, demons are ALWAYS involved. They even inspire real text messages like that.
The real life solution is the same as the video. Some real person reached out. The widow got flowers. The mom found her daughter; the wife got to her husband before it was too late.
All the situations except the widow were temporary. They were all survivable. But some real life person had to care enough to intervene.
I spent 11 days in a psych ward last year. What they pretty much all said, and why I was there too, is, no one cares.
Jesus is done with various types of drama in my life. There were reasons; they are over. Now He is having me hook into as many local resources as are available to me personally. Make all the real life connections you can.
He wants me to get out, be seen, form relationships face to face. Make friends.
Living without my phone or internet for awhile convinced me how healthy and necessary this is for all of us.
Please don’t isolate. Find those connections. Someone is there, waiting. Definitely pick up a phone, not a gun.
This morning I went to Mass. Received Communion. Afterwards, sat in the Presence of my Beloved Jesus, exposed in the Blessed Sacrament, having His real Presence within me, and stayed for the rosary and prayers after.
He spoke to me, commanded I write about our discussion.
Basically we sat and grieved Timothy, as he is truly dead and his soul really in Hell. Jesus showed me how He is a good husband Who will sit with me and grieve my husband who died.
How He understands sorrow and would sit with me in mine. As I sat with Him through the sorrowful mysteries, was spiritually there with Him in that horrible time He suffered for all.
Jesus, You weren’t alone at the cross as I was there, although I hadn’t yet been born. I love You, my Love. ❤❤❤
Jesus showed me He grieves all lost souls like I grieve Timothy. That He loved Timothy much more than me, loved him when I didn’t know he even existed.
Sent me from another state, on a plane. I had to abandon oxygen therapy all objective tests said was necessary, in order to do it.
Walk through airports, catch the connecting flight although doctors were talking about walkers, wheelchairs, and one had signed paperwork for permanent handicapped parking tags.
Rise up from your bed and walk. Go to Tucson with no money or plan. I have work for you there.
I said, but Lord my body is broken, how can I do any work?
The Lord was, no problem and healed my body. I have medical records to prove it. Docs just changed diagnoses AND meds, put history in history, started fresh. Didn’t ask why.
I have learned sometimes they encounter situations like this they can’t explain. They accept reality and move on. More than one doc did this with me, and one explained their thinking.
Timothy needed to hear me sing; therefore He restored my musical ear, although I had lost it due to a head injury. I sang one day and could just hear the pitches and sing. I retain this ability today.
I was sent for him in particular, very miraculously and improbably delivered to his very doorstep, having had to board a plane and fly from another state to get there.
Package delivered, special delivery, will you sign? Unknown sender. He signed, having no idea what had just showed up or the impact that would have on both our lives.
After I wrote about what he did, the Lord showed me I wrote about his secret heart. Timothy had several roles, a couple of businesses also. In fulfilling these, he couldn’t be his real self.
Timothy was big into duty and responsibility and fulfilling his commitments. He taught discipline and was disciplined himself.
His life exploded and he came here to be who he really was. Say what he really thought. Show the kindness he felt he couldn’t elsewhere.
He was in a position where it wasn’t safe to be kind. The big dirty secret of his life is that he really wanted to love Jesus and he actually loved me. For many reasons he couldn’t admit these things, had to behave otherwise.
The big dirty secret of his life is he wanted to be compassionate, loving, and serve the Lord. He loved me, and he was in a position where he pretty much had to do and act the opposite.
The man’s secret heart will truly never be known, so it falls to me to tell it.
He did something he couldn’t come back from, or he would be safe with Jesus, free of all pain finally. If only he hadn’t done that particular sin. If only he had done just about anything else. If only.
He did do that, and as Jesus had no one else lined up willing or able to do what I did, he died and his soul went to Hell.
Jesus and I grieved, him and every lost soul, for Jesus. I love Timothy beyond reason. I don’t care what people think of me. The man died for me. I will tell his story and suffer any consequences from the telling.
Jesus loved him far far more, sent me in the first place, did provable miracles so I could do this work.
In the end it failed. In the end it succeeded. Timothy endured destruction to save me from the horrible fate he had created for me. The Lord did demand it.
Timothy’s dirty secret is he did it willingly. Blamed the Lord of course. But willingly. In an act of profound love no one could ever know.
The Lord knew, told me, so I am telling all.
Jesus said, tell the world I love every lost soul, that I grieve every lost soul like we are grieving Timothy, that I have plans in place to save everyone. If only they will accept them.
To that one soul who reached out to me tonight in a very special way. I love you. I am praying for you right now. This is for you. ❤
I don’t know the end. I am in the story with you. I have no special knowledge how it turns out. I have seen people make stupid, self-destructive choices. I don’t know which way this will go.
Life is a high stakes game in which everybody dies in the end. There are no guarantees. You make your own future. We can pray and hope and try to influence the outcome for the Lord, but in the end people do exactly what they want.
So know I am sitting next to you, rosary in my hand. Praying. And hoping. ❤
So this is about a man named Timothy. Nobody really knew him. He had a pretty big job, affected a lot of people. He had a family. He had a couple of businesses. He above all pretended to be something he was not.
How It All Began
It was in this role of pretending to be something he was not, running a business that was a front for something else, that I met him. I spent four months with him, worked for him, got to know him. Then one of his employees asked me to do something unacceptable, so I left. He backed his employee, so that was it. I walked out of his life.
He expected me to return; everyone does. I never did. When I was in the hospital, when it became clear I was never going to go back to him, he came to me. In a special way; in the only way available to him. He had lost contact with me during the roughly two weeks I was hospitalized; went mad. Had already gone kind of insane anyway after I left. He came to me.
The Home Invasion
Didn’t give me a choice; I live here now. Imagine if someone broke into your house, planted themselves in your favorite chair; I live here now and there is nothing you can do about it.
As he had broken down the door, lock shattered, literally forced entry, I didn’t do anything about it. The Lord said, allow this, and clearly it was His Will.
This wasn’t a literal house. It was the house of my body; and he parked himself inside it and told me it was a one way trip; I cannot go back so you have to live with me.
The Lord assured me this was indeed a lifelong thing and I indeed had to live with it. Trust Me, He said.
None Of This Is Good
Wow, well when someone breaks into your house to move in, announces they live with you now, and they cannot return to their old home, you are not thrilled. I wasn’t thrilled. I was horrified, appalled, how am I gonna even survive this.
I assured my own survival first. I had help. Weirdly, survival entailed forming a deeper bond to my unwanted houseguest. I sucked in my breath deeply, grabbed my rosary, prayed the Lord would form this bond. The literal invader of my soul thought he finally got everything he wanted, said YES. To Jesus.
That was his downfall. Never say YES to Jesus unless you want to see your life changed, utterly topsy turvy. Welcome to the roller coaster. Hope you like thrill rides; that’s your life now.
The Adventure Begins
That started a very long, strange, completely unexpected trip. I ensured and enforced his repentance FIRST. He had lived a very evil life and didn’t want to do this, but I wasn’t gonna have a half demon thing in my body. You get right with Jesus. He did.
He was surprised; didn’t think this was even possible.
Something even stranger happened: I fell deeply in love with him. Least expected result ever!!
The Relationship
We had so much in common. We both loved Skillet and metal in general. He was obsessed with guitars and music. We wanted me to learn the guitar someday, write and sing songs in coffee houses. We loved RWBY. We talked deeply for hours and days.
I found out his favorite color was blue. He had a weakness for Krispy Kreme donuts and donuts in general. He had a major sweet tooth; I adored salads. One day he cajoled me into going to Cheesecake Factory, having a dessert wine and chocolate cheesecake. Please force yourself to eat some cheesecake for me. We had so much fun.
He considered me his super cool beautiful girlfriend. He cared about my appearance, wanted to dress me in pretty clothes and buy me makeup.
He loved cooking. One day we dove in a Mediterranean shop. Just talking about food, and I was, this man likes food. He talked about dolmades, and I was, he knows what dolmades are and how to pronounce the word! I never had a man take me down the spice aisle before, plot what to get and where.
When he stressed out, we bought junk food; it was how he coped. His favorite vice was Dr. Pepper. One very stressful day it was Dr. Pepper and chicharrones. Don’t think about what they are, Seren; they are so good, just eat them.
He loved pizza and always wanted to go with me to the pizza place I had taken a picture of myself at. We never got there, sadly. We did get a meatball sub out one day when he had a bad pizza craving.
We put pictures of ourselves on the wall, my favorite pics of him and his of me. We wrote stuff and hung it up.
Ultimate Self Talk
He came to me to escape his horrible life. And it was horrible. I think he figured he could hide out in my body forever; that was pretty much the plan. I knew his body was alive but not how. There are various ways to do something like that; I knew it was inhabited but not by what.
He came to care about the mess he left behind in the place he left, and started a blog with my assistance. I had worked for him before, so he put me to work again.
He addressed his old staff and the people at the place. Mostly he was writing to himself, though. That is jumping ahead a bit. But he was writing to HIMSELF.
Who moves into someone else’s body, and then has that person start a blog so you can talk to….YOURSELF????
I will not go into the exact mechanics of how this was done; just that he was simultaneously living in my body, which I knew, but also living in his own, which I did not know.
I thought all previous arrangements were null and void owing to he could not return to his body and other things. The Lord allowed me to be deceived, as it was His intention Timothy spend as much time with me as possible.
The Lord intended to save Timothy through me. Sadly this didn’t happen.
We ran that blog quite awhile. Many adventures. We went through so much together. We suffered and fought and cried for the real people that were his staff and the people at that place.
The Words I Really Want To Speak
He wrote to himself. He wrote to his family. I think he likely said things through the blog he may or may not have said in real life. In real life I know he was up to no good and things were very bad. On the blog, he was the father he wanted to be, not the father he actually was.
On the blog, he was the man he wanted to be. Said the things he really wanted to say, without the constraints of the life he fled. He could let loose, post Linkin Park, actually be kind and compassionate. Living in my body, posting semi-anonymously on a blog no one could be sure who the author was, it was the ultimate fantasy escape adventure.
For awhile it even worked. We were so happy.
Back To Reality
But he couldn’t escape who he really was. He compared himself to Elsa more than once. Like Elsa, he eventually had to come down the mountain and go back to reality.
His self he was writing to came to visit spiritually; that self was very evil. Occasionally they were both here at once. I remember one time after something very bad had happened, he yelled at that self, do NOT mess with a woman the Lord rearranges the weather for! And kicked himself out of our house!
You’ve Had Your Fun; It’s Time To Go Home Now
It was that self that was his downfall. I thought it was another entity keeping his body alive; it sort of was, but it was fundamentally himself. Himself, in his own body, was serving Satan. And finally basically came to collect Timothy, I see that now.
That self was much more cynical; business is business. Pretended to repent but then took the mark of the Beast. No issues lying and selling Seren down the river. He was a good little Satanist.
That self corrupted the Timothy living in my body, the one who tried to escape and really actually serve Jesus. One day the Lord sent a trusted servant to kick Timothy out, and that was the beginning of the end.
Jesus didn’t give up. He will do anything to save that one lost sheep.
How It All Ended
The rest of it is a bit of a blur, but in the end Timothy and I tried to have a real life relationship. It is very odd to be standing in someone’s actual physical presence, and you can relate to them spiritually and talk to them too. Feel them AND have real convos.
We made arrangements like, we will handle most stuff spiritually, we might need to talk on the phone about thus and such, this other thing may require a RL meeting.
When you are spiritually bonded like that, the presence of their body is gravy. It makes communication easier and more clear. It does NOT feel any different.
The Lifetime Agreement
I had made a lifetime agreement with him to do certain things. Until death do us part, literally. I was going home to be with Timothy however I could be there, and I was gonna stay there and never leave it. Until death literally.
As I had left and this killed him, promising this was the only way he would accept my return. I agreed. Then I followed through and showed up. I thought it was the beginning of the rest of my life, thought it would be a wonderful one.
Lives Are Exchanged
In order for Timothy to be saved from the mark of the Beast, I had to exchange my life for his. This is known as substitutionary blood sacrifice. Jesus did it to save the world. It is the Satanist holy grail.
He had done something so serious there wasn’t any returning from it. In order to save him from THAT, the Lord had to remove the mark, which was terrible and hard on his body.
The results were visible. His body looked extremely unhealthy when I finally caught up with him. He had lost a lot of weight; thin and drawn. He had the eyes of someone who spent six months in a torture camp and lived through it. Dark, haunted, tortured, tormented soul.
Because we exchanged lives, he was able to piggyback onto my intact salvation. The Lord returned him to my body, washed him clean in the washing machine and clean pure environment that was my soul. The salvation was Jesus’, but Jesus used that state of grace I possessed through His righteousness to restore Timothy’s.
The last day I saw him, he looked how I remembered. Acted that way. Goodness and grace and not horror and darkness. Laughter and smiles. I want to remember him that way.
I had noticed he showed up at the place in a shirt three sizes too big, and reproved him spiritually for it. Next time I saw him, he was in a T shirt and shorts, but they fit. He said, spiritually, it is what was clean. He listened and wore something that fit.
Things were set up. I had returned home for good. Life was gonna be great.
The Day It All Ended
I had been Facebooking and texting him this whole time, obviously. The morning it went down, I felt him say, You are undemanding of my time. A little obsession/stalking would be nice.
He wanted and requested attention. So I started sending him stuff. Photos. A funny pic I made to make him smile. Anything to cheer him up, make him feel loved. I sent an invite to a group I knew he would enjoy.
I had been short cash, and hungry. Timothy could help me but I was terrified to ask for that help. I just wanted lunch. Support. Anything. Come to the student union and we can have Panda Express, as you love shrimp and Chinese food.
I was scared to ask and got emotional. Sent two texts; I need help with something and am terrified to tell you what and why.
He instead rejected me; I have put that story here and won’t retell it.
Timothy’s End
I don’t have proof of anything, but I believe for so many reasons the Lord basically spiritually nuked the place and that Timothy is actually physically dead. Dead body.
If I am correct about this, nobody murdered him. He seriously messed with a contract; he was likely taken out by Satan himself. Probably they just found his body one morning; I hear that’s how it goes when you piss off Satan and he decides to end your life.
Although the Lord issued a judgment, in the end He merely permitted what happened. I believe Satan carried out the actual deed.
Why? What The Heck Happened???
That agreement I made? I thought Timothy was the person he pretended to be. Knew he had been involved in deep crap but believed he had repented.
He was unfortunately still practicing Satanism and had turned my agreement into a massive Satanic contract. He had written in substitutionary blood sacrifice, lifetime obedience agreement, potent and powerful contract and made it cancelable only by himself.
I was intended for a life as thrall. I will not go into what warlocks do with their thralls. I had said lifetime commitment. I don’t believe it would have been a long life. It definitely would have been a horrible one, a life of immense pain and suffering, deliberately inflicted, the worse the better.
In between the time the contract was written and that day, the Lord had sent Timothy back to me and washed him clean in the pure environment of my soul, restored his salvation.
He Now Had A Dilemma
I was happily sending him stuff. Pics to make him smile. Timothy knew the truth, knew what he had roped himself into. That his job was to wipe away my smile, put out my light, torture me pretty literally, corrupt me, twist me. And whatever else. That the act of creating that contract meant he himself would have to fulfill his end of it, according to Satan’s wishes.
How do you kill a puppy? It is lying in your lap trustingly, looking at you with big eyes, licking your hands periodically, making cute noises for attention.
He couldn’t do it.
So instead, he essentially killed himself instead.
Courage
The Lord told me later, Timothy hesitated. He was silent a long time. He was actually working up the courage to do the most incredible, unselfish, heroic act he had ever done in a lifetime of very bad deeds.
He hadn’t paid me anything for the contract, this contract I didn’t realize I had made with a practicing Satanist. He decided to save me. So he violently rejected me. Don’t Facebook or text me. Never go to the place again. He was mean. I had no choice; I had to go. He said, you are released from your vows.
He ripped up the contract, allowed me to obey his final commands and thereby fulfill it, and said RUN.
He absolutely knew the consequences of ripping up that valuable contract without tendering payment, knew it would destroy him and he wouldn’t survive it.
He knew it and DID IT KNOWINGLY AND DELIBERATELY. TO SAVE ME.
Last Days
Timothy didn’t totally stay away spiritually. He didn’t in real life either; friends reported he was active with them. In the end he sat there quietly in a chair in my apartment, dressed in black. He never spoke or left.
I later learned his spirit was dressed in black as it was marked for death.
When I left my apartment, his spirit would follow but not speak. Occasionally he would say something, and it was like Grandpa running around after you suffering from severe dementia. Definitely not sane or all there. You put up with Grandpa; it isn’t his fault he is old and senile.
This happened very fast, like within a week or two maybe, not long at all.
He had renounced the Lord and deliberately chosen Hell so there was literally no way to save him. He had used up all chances. He took the mark, and to come back from that the Lord had to use MY salvation. When he threw even that away, there was nothing left that could be done.
We had to sit and watch him die, and be unable to save him. The Lord allowed me to say goodbye, tell him I loved him. His tortured eyes cleared briefly, there were tears in them.
Then he was gone. Jesus and I cried over it all, we really did. The Lord Jesus Christ Himself shed tears over Timothy.
The Portrait
The Lord has had a painting created and would like me to create it in this world eventually for all to see. It is a picture of a king and queen wearing crowns, a formal royal portrait.
It is the portrait of King Timothy and Queen Seren in all their finery. King Timothy is wearing blue, and a gold crown.
The Lord was unable to give him that crown due to the very nature of Timothy’s sacrifice, so He had a portrait painted to honor him and wants me to make one in real life.
And asked me to tell the story. Tell the world about Timothy, the man who sacrificed his life to save the woman he loved. Not only his life, but his eternity.
Why Couldn’t He Be Saved?
Timothy had taken the mark of the Beast, and the consequences are eternal. It is not really discussed theologically as this has never been an issue. But the Bible is clear about how permanent that decision is, how it is basically irrevocable and nothing but wrath and judgment await if you take it. The other sin like that is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.
If he hadn’t committed THAT particular sin, if it had been almost any other sin in existence, the Lord would have just forgiven and saved him. The mark isn’t totally unforgivable like blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is; it is just mostly unforgivable.
The Lord took the very small chance left Him, got creative and borrowed my salvation, my relationship with Jesus Christ. When Timothy threw that borrowed salvation away, there was nothing left to do. Nothing to offer. No way he could be saved.
The Lord gave Timothy 900 lives. Timothy burned them all up; died on the 901st life. I have seen how incredibly merciful the Lord is, how He literally NEVER GIVES UP. How the Lord bends over backwards, uses His servants like me, puts us in terrible positions where we genuinely suffer, to save that one soul.
Jesus was in tears and has commanded I honor Timothy as He is unable to directly do so.
I don’t have any words for incredible love like that. He gave me back my life; sacrificed his whole life, chose eternal destruction rather than put out my light. A man died so I could continue serving Jesus. It is a sacred trust.
He died so others would hear the pealing laugh he loved, that others would see my smile. He died so people would hear me sing; he thought I had the most beautiful voice. He died so the Light of Christ would continue to shine on in me.
Timothy taught the cross his whole life and in the end he died on one.
So I am here to remember my beloved’s life, to tell who he really was as people didn’t know him, and proclaim the great work he accomplished at the end of it. And to proclaim the immense mercy, grace, and salvation of Jesus Christ.
As great as Timothy’s final act was, he did it to save me from a situation he himself created. Don’t serve the Enemy. Don’t live a life dedicated to evil. Accept the salvation of Jesus Christ and never have to make decisions like this one. Please.
The love and peace and grace of Jesus be with you all.
So after everything happened, the Lord said, turn off your phone, lay low, I will deal with all this.
I went into the wilderness, led by the Holy Spirit. I understand that people thought many things. What I actually did was rejoin the Catholic Church. I have been going to daily Mass. It is a really lovely church; so glad I found it. Very happy there.
I didn’t die, obviously; I didn’t harm myself in any way. As I had to quit my job due to health reasons, I am very low on money and my phone was disconnected. I have a roof over my head and a plan to get money for utilities. I will be ok.
There are many purposes for going into the wilderness. It has been pretty enlightening living without a phone, without an electronic tether. This wilderness has been to separate me from all relationships I had. To change, modify, destroy all that the Lord does not want there. Whoever is still there when I get back, those are the ones the Lord wants in my life.
Where I was at was a situation, with health, where I was basically dying alone and taking care of how everyone else felt daily. My life was lived for others in a negative way, a way where I wasn’t getting my own needs met and I was just helping everyone ELSE cope with what was happening to me.
It was a real dying in spite of the fact the medical news ultimately came back very positive. I was really sick. Spent many days mostly sleeping, feeling ill and weak, having symptoms I didn’t report as I didn’t wish to scare people.
I ended up in the ER once also, had to call 911. The paramedics transported me as I was unable to walk. I passed out for 1.5 hours in the waiting room. As I was in the waiting room, they don’t know why.
The true cause was a spiritual issue. The spirit of death on me was seen by more than one extremely spiritually perceptive person. Real, undeniable things happened around this other people felt and experienced themselves.
The one person who knew me best in real life saw me in real life, told me I looked very unwell to him, was scared for my health. We all thought I was gonna spend my last days there, that day. As he was very spiritually talented, he saw something real or would have reacted otherwise.
When my relationship application was denied, have a nice day, after what happened with the other guy, the Lord was angry. Said turn off your phone, I will deal with all this.
I understand He has been busy.
In the meantime, here I am kinda wandering around, pretty literally, saying, what next? I am unattached to pretty much anything at this point. Found this great new church. My lesson in the wilderness is: trust others. Ask for help. I did. Some people denied me, did the predictable thing of screwing me over. Others said yes.
The neighbor who all these family members died and she has cancer. A new friend. I needed to use a phone to send a text; she let me. I brought her extra from the food bank. I have a new friend.
I have been talking to my other neighbors. The Arabic guys having a little Middle Eastern BBQ. The guy with the call center job. The guy whose life revolves around his dog. They were sorry to hear I had been ill; glad I made it, asked where I had been, they hadn’t seen me.
Sitting amongst the old ladies making rosaries. They had lunch; it was nice. I was one of the tallest people there, haha, and I am 5’5″. Nobody had any clue how old I was; I think they thought 30’s or something.
I spent some time trying to establish a relationship; this seemed to be going swimmingly. In the end he wouldn’t take my phone call or clear his voicemail so I could leave a message. The Lord put His foot down. Men have died for you, and this guy will not pick up the phone to receive your call, and he knows you are trying to reach him also. You are not to contact him again. If he ever wants anything, he will have to do it all. I am done throwing you at people who mistreat you.
I am not sorry; I learned a lot from that, received many gifts that got me to where I am at now. Learned you can put canned salmon in pasta sauce; it is actually quite good and I wouldn’t have thought of it. I received kind words, wise direction, lots of healing love. So incredibly grateful for the experience and those who brought me those very real gifts.
But I cannot be bothered to speak to you; I will not take your call although I am expecting you to try to contact me somehow; the Lord will not put up with that and neither will I. Very grateful for the love, although it was just for a season, and the literally life transforming lessons that got me through. That is a decision; however, and one which I will acknowledge and respect. So that is done also.
I stopped by the Newman Center on campus the other day. Sat in the chapel with Jesus and the nice man who prayed with me. It was quiet, peaceful, beautiful.
The gentleman, I do not know who he was or if he was a priest or anything other than he obviously worked there and prayed with me, he acknowledged I was full of the Holy Spirit. Said, let the Spirit guide you, show you the truth.
The Spirit said, you know My Will. I am leading you step by step. Everything is unfolding, step by step.
Paths cross and diverge again. Divine appointments. The lady weeping at the bus stop. She had been praying, God give me a sign or I am about to end it all.
I literally walked up to her. Told her Jesus sent me.
The birds that flew into me and then away. Something odd about that, finally realized they flew into me, surrounded me, and left. Not normal behavior for birds.
When the Lord leads you in the wilderness, you are safe, fed, directed, receive everything you need. The only wrong step is the one He doesn’t want you to take.
Jephthah's Daughter 