For years people read my LiveJournal. I was a literally different person then. Very very angry. Guess I still am.
It had great content as about struggles with severe mental illness and family abuse. I could absolutely count on drama and unfriendings if I got suicidal or went to the hospital.
It was gripping, addictive reading. One friend said she read avidly. People checked in for updates. I poured out heart and soul in my misery and people checked in.
They just didn’t say anything.
Periodically I would get mad about this. And then would come the excuses. A litany from literally everyone for years. We are busy. We have lives. The most common one was we didn’t know what to say. We can’t check LiveJournal all the time. They would make excuses and never change.
Then the venue changed. Facebook now. But same excuses. Different people. Same excuses.
It is pretty hard to miss when people have been telling you the same thing for years, that they are happy to read but decline to act to improve the situation. We didn’t know what to say.
It is pretty hard when years go by and different people but they all treat you the same. We are happy to read and we will take everything you have to give. We will not give anything to you or care about you in any way.
We were busy. We were too busy to pick up the phone. We were too self involved to ask anything. We can’t be checking stuff all the time. We have lives.
We were afraid. We might offend. This is ultimately an excuse to just not be involved.
We didn’t know what to say. It was easier to turn away our faces and just not deal with you.
I see nothing has changed. That I can write purple prose and there is as usual no help for me. That what people are checking in for is death porn.
So death porn it is. As I am going to die regardless and obviously only worth entertainment value as usual, might as well put on a show.
Jephthah's Daughter 