Tag: christianity

Crushed By Doubt

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Oh dear Lord Jesus Christ, only You know how lonely this road is.

I think I know what is truth, what is reality. But know how easily I am deceived also.

I don’t know what to make of what is happening to me. My body literally works in a supernatural way.

No one knows how terrified and alone I feel, Lord. Looking for light, hope, and direction.

I just know that You are in control. That You have everything handled as usual.

I relinquish the reins. Death, life, whatever You want is acceptable.

Last night I walked through an entire mall where I had gone to do my errand.

Stood in a clothing store and said to myself, if for some reason I live shopping here, these sales prices are great!

Walked through the mall wanted nothing in it. You know I used to hang out in malls as a refuge.

You know I had a shopping problem and was basically addicted to buying jewelry.

Walked through nothing interested me. Desired none of it. Just stuff, just possessions.

Even I noticed this and said to myself, oh Lord who have You made me into???

 

Did Not Get Shot. Did Get Reese’s!

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So I spend most of my time at home. I am very tired most of the time.

Tonight had to run an important errand. It required me to be out late on my own, on the bus.

My friend who keeps the closest track of me is fine with me running around by myself at night. Above and beyond Jesus protects me, I have great street skills. Between the two, he doesn’t worry very much.

Tonight proved why he feels this way.

Sitting at the back of the bus (don’t own a car for many reasons) tonight and three people get on. One leaves a handwritten sign with the usual bus ads. Says some weird statement about embracing goodness and greenhouses.

The guy across from me dressed like a gangsta. Soon determine he IS a gangsta and not a poser. Note very large knife/short sword and guess it isn’t because he collects. That’s a weapon.

Soon see he is also packing a very decent size gun under his sweatshirt.

I think weapons on the bus are illegal but obviously this doesn’t stop anyone.

For all that, he has a sweet spirit. I feel he is a fundamentally nice person and really confused why a kind person is packing and obviously involved in illegal stuff.

Anyhow, there is obviously a potential situation and someone to be kept calm. So that is what I did. And honestly liked him too.

He is rummaging through all this stuff. I idly wonder how much is his and how much he stole. Hard to tell. Maybe some, maybe none.

He finally turns around and is friendly. Plys me with Reese’s white chocolate peanut butter cups. I politely decline.

He pushes a bit, and I took him up on it. Less likely to die from Reese’s than a bullet after all.

He turns and offers one to an older Native guy, who politely refuses. Older Hispanic lady who has obviously sized up the situation accepts with gratitude.

So there we are, eating Reese’s, and he is talking about breaking bread. I say breaking Reese’s even better than bread, and laugh.

He shows me all his other candy, including Jolly Ranchers. I tell him how I grew up near a Jolly Ranchers factory, and how you would drive by and there would be a super sweet smell.

Sharing is caring, he says. He plies me with the last Reese’s and I refuse but he insists. So I take it, eat it, thank him. Say I haven’t had anything sweet in awhile so appreciate it.

Ask where his stop is, want to make sure he doesn’t miss it.

He talks about weed and how he likes weed but it makes you hungry. I say weed does that. Tell him about Girl Scouts selling cookies outside of weed dispensaries.

By this time his stop has come up. He grabs all his stuff and gets off. I tell him, the Lord bless you, have a good night. And he leaves.

It was a genuinely pleasant encounter; I actually liked him. What is a sweet guy like that doing in all that trouble, I wondered.

Then Hispanic lady starts talking, saying yes she noticed the gun.

And that he was on crystal.

What??

She went on about how nice he was and how unusual that was for someone on crystal. Usually they’re mean, she said. They just shoot you.

I digested this. Then asked, what is crystal?

Crystal meth, she said.

Oh.

So nice guy packing a good size gun and a very large knife was on METH. And she didn’t understand why he wasn’t mean!

I silently praised Jesus. He closed the mouth of the lion and preserved my life AGAIN. And not just mine but the other passengers too!

She is maybe a little more used to this than me and immediately started worrying about finding her stop.

I helped her, made sure she knew where to get off. Made two friends on the bus today. One was packing heat.

I continued to learn about the power of just being kind to people. Because I didn’t panic, remained calm, and just was nice to this guy, nobody died on the bus tonight.

There wasn’t an incident, no police, no TV news story. No policy changes and think tank discussions. No handwringing about crime in Tucson and the buses aren’t safe.

Just the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the power of human kindness. Why is that sweet soul in all that massively illegal crap? I don’t know.

But if I run into him again, he will probably offer me more candy as opposed to shooting me. I was good to him; why would he want to kill me?

I hope this is a powerful lesson about the importance of loving your neighbor. ❤

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.

“A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.

“So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.

“But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.

“He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.

“The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” ~ Luke 10:25-37, NIV.

 

 

Training In Death’s Dojo

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So I have a definite science bent. I am fascinated with the process of dying. Looked it up, what are the typical symptoms, where am I in the process.

Death Is A Process

As most people are massively freaking out and I alone am somewhat objective about it, will just say yes what I am going through matches descriptions of what happens during the dying process.

I will say to my surprise people do not just keel over. You can start the process of dying and live for weeks or even months.

The active death phase can take up to three days!

This timeframe generally applies to death from illness, like what is happening to me. A bullet to the brain or sudden cardiac arrest will take you out rather fast.

I See Dead People

I also noticed that the articles (mostly on hospice sites) talked about visions/hallucinations/delusions. Claims of talking to deceased people and whatnot.

The general advice is pat the dying person on the head and put on their favorite music. Good recommendation on the music. Now have it going all the time.

Above all, these articles say, do not disbelieve the dying person. This will upset them, and it happens to so many it is considered a normal death experience.

But the overall attitude is this is weird, unexplainable phenomena. It isn’t, will talk more about that in a bit.

Hospices Are Kind Places

Hospice care is basically whatever care is needed to ensure calm and comfortable so the patient passes peacefully.

Ironically I volunteered at two hospices, even worked in medical records.

Amusingly, patients didn’t die; they were discharged. In the case they lived or moved to another hospice, that was called a live discharge.

Everyone deals with stuff in their own way. That is why people use euphemisms; it distances them emotionally from hard realities.

Hospices always attracted me; end of life care attracted me. I follow the Confessions of a Funeral Director guy on Facebook. Bought his book too.

Facing My Own Death

I had to go through training to volunteer at the second hospice. (The first one I played piano for so no training required.) An essential part of that training was facing and accepting my own mortality.

I had to write about matters related to my own death, face any feelings about that. Maybe that is part of how ok I am with it now.

Above and beyond any training I have faced and cheated death so many times a little surprised Death will finally win a match.

Playing Mortal Kombat With Death

There have been crucial spiritual battles I consider life-threatening. More than I will recount.

But there were also three suicide attempts, two of which landed me in ICU. Emergency gallbladder surgery that nearly ended in sepsis. Sepsis is basically multiple organ failure due to massive infection.

I also had cellulitis with bacteremia. Praise the Lord the antibiotics worked. The CDC was consulted on that one and they considered amputation!

Oh I guess I did have sepsis, but as they didn’t want me to massively panic they called it bacteremia. Woo, almost died pretty literally.

There are other incidents too I cannot discuss. Not to mention all the hospitalizations over suicidal ideations too numerous to mention.

So Death a familiar sparring partner, spent years training in his dojo. Learned unique and difficult lessons there.

Death Is Primarily Spiritual

Common symptoms of death, according to hospice literature, are:

  • Visions/delusions/hallucinations.
  • Claims of speaking with deceased people.
  • Agitation.
  • Anxiety.

Science has gone to a tremendous amount of trouble to deny the existence of the spirit world. So what I attribute all this is to the spiritual component of death.

Hospices acknowledge there is one but speak of it in the most general terms. As they serve all, they have to accommodate all spiritual beliefs or lack thereof. So this is sensible.

I believe completely in Jesus Christ Who literally keeps me alive. So I assert these “symptoms” are the natural consequences of dying and being utterly unprepared for this.

What Is Out There In The Great Beyond?

The spirit world is quite real. All this activity happens to a soul waking up to final realities and oh crap what do I do now???

Dying can be painful. Most people in hospice suffer minimal pain, so something else must be causing all that upset and anxiety.

The visions are quite real. Speaking to an apparently deceased person means the dying person has contacted a spirit. Of course it upsets them if you disbelieve as this is the truth!

Preparation For Death Is Essentially Spiritual

All the meds and treatment given in hospice care are to keep the patient calm and comfortable. The dying soul has tough work to do, and every soul does this work differently.

Hospices say spiritual health at this juncture consists of doing the following:

  1. Forgiving those who have harmed you.
  2. Seeking forgiveness from those you have harmed.
  3. Expressing gratitude for good things.
  4. Expressing love towards loved ones.
  5. Tell people goodbye.

I am taking notes from the experts and doing this. But this is spiritual work!

I will accept expert opinion that probably people who do these have easier deaths than those who don’t.

Tug Of War

I utterly believe your soul is in a lifelong tug of war between the Lord Jesus Christ and Satan, Good and the inferior Evil. You will end up in one camp or the other regardless of what you thought in life.

The agitation/visions/etc. are from finding out this is reality you weren’t prepared for, and frantically trying to cope last minute.

I am so happy and at peace people find this remarkable. This is because I am well prepared spiritually.

Jesus Christ Holds The Keys Of Hell And Death

“I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death.” ~ Revelation 1:18, KJV.

I believe in Jesus Christ. He came in the flesh and is my personal Lord and Savior. I love Him beyond life.

He loves me back! He died for me; He is always there for me, and has granted many favors and graces besides.

If you would like a life full of joy and a peaceful happy death, please pray with me:

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your gift of salvation. I admit I am a sinner in need of Your salvation. I believe and accept your Son Jesus Christ, Who is fully God and fully human, came in the flesh, died for my sins, was buried and was raised from the dead. I invite Him into my heart to be my personal Lord and Savior. Thank You for loving me enough to save me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

I Prayed The Prayer, What Do I Do Now?

These are good churches that will get you started on your new walk with the Lord.

Victory Worship Center, Tucson, Arizona, USA.

The River Church, Salem, Oregon, USA.

Life.Church (online ministry).

The Lord Jesus Christ abundantly bless you all! ❤❤❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Of What Life I Have Lived

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I wrote this January 22, 2017.

SO IN THE MEANTIME…
(because remember,
waiting!)
he said
live, then die!
and I pondered this.
Of what life I have lived
what I did
what I didn’t do.
And I have…
made some music
made some art
wrote things
danced
gone topless joyriding
gone skinny dipping
made it to Aspen
fell trying to ski
rode horses
rode one to dinner
shot arrows
made leather wallets
made jewelry
been scared out of my mind
laughed my ass off
played hide and seek
as a college student
saw the mystery
of pure white snow
held my nieces
gave counsel to people
gave comfort to people
pissed a lot of people off
some came back
many not
played with dry ice
swang on a tire swing
over the ditch
and fell in
saw some beautiful clouds
saw dragon clouds
loved my baby kitty
and put him to sleep
when it was his time
yeah I didn’t make a lot of money
and I didn’t become famous
but I lived.
OK, life: achievement unlocked.
And now back to waiting…

~ Seren Wild © 2017.

 

About Forgiveness

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So I was doing a little work on the blog, finishing up some stuff my most recent employer asked, and dry on inspiration.

My friend said, please do the post on forgiveness I asked you to do. I said, okay here goes.

So my friend’s wife is dying. Furthermore she is dying due to someone’s malice. There is nothing that can be done now; she is dying and this cannot be reversed. They don’t know how long.

He recently came to Jesus, and it was very much troubling his newfound relationship with Him, trying to come to terms with the guy responsible.

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” ~ Matthew 6:14-15.

He knew he had to forgive this guy or risk his salvation. But it is his WIFE. All the years he will spend alone instead of having her with him. That is hard to forgive indeed.

Maverick, I said, you need to forgive this guy because he is not worth your time. He is not worth a single tear or the slightest stain on your soul.

He is not worth the smallest pain. The slightest suffering. He is not worth jeopardizing your relationship with Jesus or missing out on blessings.

You need to forgive him because forgiveness is the Lord’s great soul cleanse. By forgiving him you can get rid of the bad feelings, the anger, let the Lord heal the harm done.

Forgive him not because he deserves it. Because YOU deserve it.

Forgive him. Give the Lord all the bad feelings, the anger, the hatred, the rage, the pain, everything in your heart. Ask Him to remove it all. Let Him take it all, then ask Him to cleanse the wounds with His precious Blood and the water of the Word, and apply the soothing balm of grace.

Forgive, then ask the Lord to fill all the places where the anger and horror was with His Love, peace, grace and Holy Spirit. Ask the Lord to fill all the empty spaces with Himself.

Cancel the debts, cancel all of the debts. Give those debts to the Lord to be the debt collector. Let the Lord handle all that.

“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is Mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.” ~ Romans 12:19.

“It is Mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.” ~ Deuteronomy 32:35.

I said, the Lord will do far more to this guy than you EVER would have, as angry as you are. The Lord will be far meaner; His judgment and wrath will exceed anything you would have thought of doing.

Then Maverick, who has spiritual sight, this is what he experienced when he did all this.

First of all, all the crap came out of his heart when he forgave the guy and gave it to Jesus. Black stuff in various forms; this is pretty typically what the junk the Lord gets out of your heart looks like.

Second, the spiritual equivalent of invoices appeared when he canceled the debts and gave them to the Lord to collect. These appeared in the form of scrolls with red seals. There was one unusual contract: a blood debt which was very distinctive in appearance.

These were then given to a knight in red armor riding a red horse, who then rode off to collect them.

Maverick said the Lord gave him much light into what was happening with this guy and all that was his: now, future, and what would happen in eternity. It will not bring his wife back when she dies, or give him back those years they could have had together.

But this guy, having rejected Jesus Christ in a definitive way, will now owe every penny of those debts and all the others being laid at his door. No one to pay them; he will have to pay them all himself.

You cannot evade debt collectors from Heaven or Divine Justice. Maverick is obviously sad about his wife, but his soul is satisfied with the Lord’s justice.

“Don’t they know anything,
all these impostors?
Don’t they know
they can’t get away with this,
Treating people like a fast-food meal
over which they’re too busy to pray?

“Night is coming for them, and nightmare—
a nightmare they’ll never wake up from.
God will make hash of these squatters,
send them packing for good.” ~ Psalm 53:4-5, The Message.

Furthermore his soul is at peace. Obviously he is sad and grieving the upcoming loss, but his soul is at peace and rest, since he got rid of all that harm by forgiving the guy involved and giving all the bad stuff to the Lord.

He felt so good he started forgiving lots of other people too, recognizing forgiveness was for him and the Lord would avenge him or had avenged him against all who had harmed him in his life.

As a result of this, he has a great deal of peace and joy in spite of this difficult trial, and as I helped him see this he really wanted me to share. He says he wouldn’t have been able to forgive this guy any other way.

But now that he understands why and what forgiveness does for him, and that the Lord will avenge him above and beyond all he could ask or think, he feels free and happy, and his soul is satisfied.

I can attest I have seen in real life some of the terrible consequences that happened to some of my abusers and how the Lord brought them very low. I tell people what the Lord did and what I saw to encourage them He really does avenge the oppressed, that there are real life consequences for sin.

It is unlikely the people who hurt you deserve forgiveness. Maybe they repented and do. Many many times, though, especially with abuse you will never hear an apology. I never did. My abusers totally stand by their abuse actually.

I could carry that around but why? I have seen what the Lord did to them. They aren’t worth a single bad feeling or tear. I abundantly forgive all who have harmed me. May the Lord deal with them all as He sees fit.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

Dry Bones, Come Alive

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I woke up and this surprised me.

This is what I was experiencing. Everything highlighted. I did pass out/fall asleep.

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I made this out of the instructions the ER sent me home with. Clearly they said call 911.

I didn’t obviously. I didn’t because this isn’t caused by hypothyroidism. Even if it was, treatment wholly inadequate. Taking meds given as better than nothing. I cannot prescribe my own meds.

I didn’t because this is happening so frequently ambulances at my complex would be the new normal and I would get to know the regulars, as well as be an ER regular. I might as well give up my life, go live in the hospital.

No veins left at that point; I have upcoming surgery need veins for that.

So I thought maybe that was it. I am dying but the Lord didn’t tell me last night was it, and instead I woke up.

I am alive in a life literally given and sustained by Jesus, and He got me up another day so clearly still work to do.

He sent me a brother in Christ who talked to me about his struggles and history no one gets. But I do. He said, who will help me? No one understands or has time.

I said I understand and I have time. And light dawned. The Lord kept me alive to help this dear brother who wants that help.

And whoever else too.

Original mission complete. Recipient of God’s favor rejected all grace and now consequences, whatever they are. Not paying very close attention to that situation.

And now know for a fact I will be alive regardless of medical data saying otherwise as long as the Lord desires this. And die when He deems it my time, and not before.

He is the Lord where the Apostle Paul was stoned and they left him for dead. Stoning is generally not survivable; whole point of it is to make that person a corpse.

The angry mob did its work and left, satisfied they had succeeded.

Then Paul got up, with the help of other believers, and just went on!!

One benefit of recent mission is discovered Lauren Daigle, now a huge fan!

 

 

 

 

The Body Is Just Slowed Down Energy

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So tired.

The thing is, if they indeed think the bradycardia is caused by hypothyroidism, at the level of that I am at, the medication level prescribed is a joke that will not touch it.

I would literally need to take three times the prescribed amount based on past dosage amounts to even affect how low the thyroid level is.

I am so tired of fighting with any doc in this town. I had insane TSH levels beginning in 2017. It was a battle. It never got anywhere near normal even well-treated which this isn’t currently.

I think the closest it ever got to normal was 12. Current level is 47.

I lost 100 lbs. anyway and don’t have an eating disorder! I eat donuts and cheese fries when I wish! I eat normal food!

Hmmmm try to compute THAT one.

Additional fact bra size changed but also in a way that defies explanation. Band size went down. Cup size INCREASED.

Additional fact I still have a moderate hiatal hernia recent CT scan found. For some reason don’t have symptoms from that. That occurred before massive weight loss too.

In Denver hernia symptoms so bad GI doc wanted surgery!

Massive kidney stones and peeing blood yet no pain at all. Kidney stone specialist who will personally be surgically removing said stones cannot explain this.

What this tells me is what I already knew: the Lord directly intervening in my body.

Like He kept the lights on in December when no one would help with the utility bill. Just decreed they would stay on so they did.

Found the disconnect notice later. I paid the bill in my lit heated apartment January 3rd.

They mailed the disconnect notice sometime in December. No power company keeps you on for weeks after a notice because.

What I see is the Lord is in control. He is in control of my body. He kept it going past when it should have gone to pieces.

Beginning of 2018, I was really overweight, 283 lbs., on oxygen, rare fatal disease docs say I still have, going into kidney failure. That was a lot more normal given diagnosed health conditions and life circumstances.

The Lord started doing crazy things when He got me to Tucson. I couldn’t bring the oxygen all objective tests said I needed so abandoned it.

I was so physically disabled I could barely traverse a parking lot. I have paperwork signed by a doc for permanent handicapped parking tags!!

Yet I decide to go to Tucson, abandon my oxygen, walk through two airports ALONE, make my connecting flight and kinda had to almost run for that, actually make it to Tucson!! This worked???

The Miracle Train kept chugging. I ended up at Second Shelter (name changed to protect them; I like them) who promised a bed. Showed up no bed. I had no money knew no one. Camped out, prayed, waited.

They were kicking me off property when nice volunteer shows up and helps out. Violates all protocols to personally drive me to church/homeless shelter I stayed in four months.

I did eventually stay at the Second Shelter for awhile and got to know that particular volunteer better. She is respected and what she did isn’t done. Period.

They are in the business of dealing with the homeless and are merciful but eyes open. They do not give extra chances. Rules are strict owing to the population they serve.

I literally never saw anyone do what she did with anyone else or even consider it. I don’t know why she did it, as she was a respected rule abiding volunteer.

They honestly are fine if you are on the streets and expect it. She defied all their standard policies and procedures to help me.

Why?? Jesus. Who else??

So Jesus literally personally got me through the airports, on the planes, I was FLYING with no oxygen therapy that tests said I NEEDED, walking through airports like a completely normal person although I had documents PROVING physical disability!

Then He had a volunteer for NO reason decide to help ME go to another shelter when they never ever do this!

Additionally, their rules forbid them to transport clients in their cars, but she did that too!

The volunteer took me to Spiritual Meadows (name changed to protect ME). And I am sitting here typing realizing I was on borrowed time from the moment I left the ex husband whose abuse launched all this.

Went to Spiritual Meadows and shenanigans with the pastor. I talk about this only because it was so obvious everyone was gossiping and I alone missed what was happening.

People told me AFTER what they saw happening. Ex roomie confirmed gossip although didn’t repeat it. It was a massive open secret and I literally was the only one too naive to see it.

The Lord brought me to Tucson to meet THAT guy. I am pretty sure that was the plan. Bothered to do all this special intervention stuff. Got me extremely miraculously to their door.

He continued to heal me. I went from disabled to I can walk normally. I no longer needed oxygen and tests confirmed. I went from walk normally to walk well.

I did chores and hauled around heavy mattresses and weight started falling off. Oh yeah thyroid hmmm. Stopped all meds in May including thyroid. Was just fine, more than fine, picture of health.

I also interestingly dumped them cold turkey and zero bad effects. Many meds doing different things, a lot of psych meds but medical too. Just chucked them and fine!

This isn’t how meds actually work. Don’t try the same thing; your results will be very bad. Seriously. I cannot emphasize enough: DON’T ABRUPTLY QUIT MEDS.

Everyone else not being directly handled by Jesus doing impossible things will get VERY SICK. Really bad things can happen, DON’T.

I think we have now established I have personally been living in the Miracle Zone since March of 2018. Reality doesn’t work this way, ok?????

So let’s review, in a month or two Jesus has:

  • Fixed the oxygen issue. Current pulse ox readings consistently 100% usually which is faker than fake. Wonder what they would be without Divine intervention as NOBODY is at 100% on a normal regular basis! That alone is a sign!
  • Fixed the walking issue from so bad doc issued handicapped tags and social worker talking walker or WHEELCHAIR, to Seren walks alone through two airports to successfully get to Tucson!
  • Improved walking to normal function and then really healthy adult walking.
  • Gets me off meds cold turkey. There are no symptoms or ill effects whatsoever and I am on around 7 meds, mostly psych meds and very heavy ones too.
  • One was a high dose of Lamictal yet nothing bad happened.
  • One was a fairly high dose of Thorazine. There were no withdrawals.

By the time I left Spiritual Meadows in July, I was fit enough I took a three week mailroom clerk temp job. I did great and they loved me. Lots of walking and lifting.

I was living at Second Shelter at the time. While there had kidney stones in a normal fashion meaning excruciating pain.

The ER drew and recorded this set of labs no one was able to make sense of. Obviously human error. Yet no one redid this despite repeated requests by me to do so.

Screenshot_20190116-084443_Chrome.jpg

I have finally realized the truth: these numbers are reality. As at the time they were drawn, I was working a mailroom job no one believed them.

But this is reality, not the mailroom job.

A doc later in Kino literally said an O2 saturation of 33% is incompatible with life. She would be right!

What am I saying?? I am saying I should NOT BE ALIVE.

Yet I am! My horrible Denver medical/psychiatric history of DECADES. How the docs here think Denver docs smoking dope or something. Overturned almost all their diagnoses.

Denver was actually very high quality care and every diagnosis was thoroughly backed and tested!

Also I look 30 why??? My fountain of youth: abuse almost leading to death, major medical problems, morbid obesity? Don’t recommend that way to look young!

So I think it is very very clear by now the source of my life is supernatural and has been since March of 2018 basically.

I know that source is Jesus Christ due to my walk with Him and work He has done through me. But supernaturally preserved life.

Just like the lights that stayed on after the power company disconnected the power.

Ok I have scared even myself realizing I should literally be dead. So then we ask Who and why.

Who is Jesus Christ. This is not only my belief but has been attested to by many, including multiple pastors at the church I am planted in.

I have submitted thoroughly to legitimate spiritual authority and they think I am doing great. So I am.

So then why? Why would Jesus artificially preserve my life and quite frankly bestow blessings that are clearly not natural? The appearance of youth after all the crap I went through?

That crazy bust size thing so I didn’t have to be flat chested anymore? I always wanted a decent chest so He blessed me with one?

Why, this is a LOT of effort and He had to prolong the life of a body that couldn’t survive on its own anymore too.

To meet the pastor of Spiritual Meadows is why. And this is about to turn into a Shakespearian tragedy for real.

I do not want to go into everything that happened and all that I know. So will finish by saying only the following:

The Lord sent me to Spiritual Meadows to try to save him as he was doing quite badly. First there was real life which ended up with me leaving due to their corruption.

Then Lord once again put on my heart in September this matter needed dealt with and my job to do so.

So I did. Went back and confronted him via poetry on my art site. Said you are toast elsewhere. I was mad at the harm I saw him committing so took action.

I will just say then the Lord used me to pour many graces into him, used me to try to establish His righteousness in him, used me to try to get him to fly right for once.

And say sadly that despite all the Lord and I did, prayers and sacrifices on my part, this man turned back to evil in the end. He said no then no then finally no no no.

Nothing I know about this church from the testimony of many real life people who were there says it is anything but a corrupt pit of Hell. People I know and didn’t, opinion is nearly unanimous and very strongly negative.

His final decision was to definitively reject me as well as the Lord, so I rolled up shop.

And shortly thereafter my body, which has been being supernaturally maintained and Divinely supplied with life, well all the board lights go crazy.

This means my work literally done. I didn’t fail as free will decision in the end. That is why it is called free will.

The reality is the one epicly bad lab result. O2 sats of 100% ALL the time are a sign from the Lord He is maintaining this body.

And all the other stuff too.

So now the Lord slowly withdrawing His grace from a body that should have naturally died quite awhile back. I am living and breathing but there is no reason I should be.

I am getting quite weak and need to go.

If this is it, I don’t have any last words except these:

THERE IS NO SALVATION BUT JESUS CHRIST, KING OF KINGS, LORD OF LORDS, LAMB OF GOD WHO CAME IN THE FLESH AND DIED FOR YOUR SINS. HE IS MY PERSONAL LORD AND SAVIOR AND MY GREAT LOVE.

LOVE ONE ANOTHER AS JESUS LOVED YOU.

LOVE TO ALL. ❤❤❤💖💖💖

Seren out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Praise and Worship

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Praise the Lord above all because He legitimately deserves it. Due to His exalted position as Creator, and His mighty act of salvation through Christ Jesus, and all His other acts, He deserves this.

Praising the Lord puts you in right relationship with Him, as by this you acknowledge you are the creature and He is the Creator.

Praising the Lord acknowledges you need Him and cannot do it by yourself. It is the best act of humility possible.

It also chases off the enemy who cannot stand the Lord be praised.