The Setup
All was set up, going well. Flooding love and support into the heart cracked and starving for it. There was a future, a bright one.
Dorm room, I said. I thought it was pretty cute, thought it would evoke a smile.
I was broke as recently sick. Nothing would take my EBT card. I thought about asking for help. Sat down, began to cry.
When I ask for help, people don’t. They kick me in the teeth. Don’t know why. I later told a friend, I would rather face down a guy with a gun than ask for help.
She said, you are brave; you have faced down death several times over. I said yes. I would rather face down death than ask for help; it is easier. She laughed, didn’t believe me.
The soul I was pouring the love and support in could help me. Did I have the courage to ask?
The Hit
I tried. Sent a couple of texts saying I was scared and why. Abusive ex husband, abusive family. I depended on ex and he tried to kill me. Blank spots in my memory.
Call me, I felt. So I did. Saw there had been an incoming call from that person too.
I got on the phone. Finally someone was going to prove the cycle wrong. Hallelujah. Life was looking bright.
And what I got instead was, I told you nicely not to Facebook and text me. My phone goes off, I am busy and think it’s work. Don’t do it. Thanks.
Ok, I said. I won’t. Hung up.
Sat there and thought about that.
That person had NEVER told me not to do those things; lied to my face about that. It was in any case a very inappropriate response to a cry for help.
I said to myself, I was vulnerable and sad. I was in tears with my friend. I tried to ask for help, talked about response of abusers.
What that soul did, in response to all the love and support requested and sent, when I was vulnerable and exposed the tender neck, was take aim and deliberately hit the jugular.
I have noticed this with abusers. Vulnerability with normal people elicits sympathy and support. Vulnerability with abusers is like a whiff of chocolate; they want to eat you and try.
It usually evokes abuse; tender juicy steak, mmmm so delicious, must eat!
That soul I had poured all the love into, requested and sent, took deliberate aim and kicked me in the teeth. A phone call so there was no doubt whatsoever.
Inside of me silence. What was going on. I began to pray. Jesus is always there no matter what.
I began to pray for the soul, got a snarl in response. Thought about that. Began to pray again. Talked to the Lord, put all in His hands, Your Will be done O Lord.
Lack Of Love
The soul had recently been very kind. I was grateful, but wondered about those closest to him, the ones he should be taking care of the most, the nearest and dearest.
The tall young man with dark hair, a strong build and fine broad shoulders. Handsome.
I had remembered an intelligent, nerdy kid. Loved Jesus, aspiring to serve Him. Bright, inquisitive, respectful, eager to please.
What I saw in the recent visit was thug eyes. The hard hard eyes, black and cold, of a career criminal. Anger, casual disrespect, deliberate defiant slouch. Silence, never spoke a word.
The ex had a term for what I saw. Vicious compliance.
The other one, acted normal but there was something that betrayed so much trouble, someone who had gone through a lot and struggling. Life is hard.
What did you do to make them look like that, I wondered. And why???
Tortured, Haunted
The soul’s I spent six months in a torture camp and lived to tell the tale eyes. Dark and haunted and so so wrong.
I had so much compassion. Let me help you get your eyes back to normal. Let me pour in the love your parched cracked soul is starving for.
Instead, kick in the teeth. A phone call, so no doubt it was indeed a steel toed boot from him in particular, slammed into my teeth full force.
The Decision Is Made
Inside, snarling. We are done, he said. Never come around ever again. You are released from all vows.
I tried, argued a bit. Inside, a thread of a whisper. Fight, it pleaded.
I did a little bit. No avail.
Then the soul renounced the Lord, said he wanted to go to the Pit.
I froze, disbelieving.
After everything, after rebellion and failure and penultimate chances and sacrifices, he had one last chance and threw it away.
Took the chance a life was sacrificed to give him in two strong hands, deliberately threw it forcefully on the floor, stomped on it, ground his heels in it.
I honestly didn’t know what to do.
Then a different voice. It was the Lord.
He made a decision. Remove him completely.
And so he was. The soul had been cussing me out, language getting more foul. His parting words of love?
Buh bye, bitch.
And then gone forever.
The Lord had given the soul a level gaze not long before. Just looked, as He knew what that soul was about to do.
I was so lost and confused. But calm. I had learned long ago to only rely on Jesus. He really was the only One Who would never fail me.
Jesus Acts
Jesus was serious and sad. He first started out by cleansing and healing me. I do not want you to suffer. You were obedient to Me. You will suffer no harm or consequences other than emotional pain from this failure of his to be loving and kind.
So I am not in terrible pain, despair, devastation as the Lord healed the wounds and wouldn’t allow it.
Then He started revoking everything. The place the soul told me never to return to, Jesus renounced it, rejected it, shook off the dust of the soles of His feet.
Decommissioned all, stripped all titles, power, authority. Took my spirit out of anything there; those things would just be objects. Took His glory, Presence, angels, departed forever.
The abomination stayed, the terrible Satanic creation of mingled blood and a literal signature on it. An edifice that was a spell and contract. But that was all that stayed.
The soul gave himself to the dark, embraced the demons entering him to possess him, let the last good in him leech out and drain away.
I was well gone from all this, not even physically near any of this.
The Criminal Is Sentenced
When he speaks My Name, every time he does it, I will curse him and his entire family.
When he speaks My Word, the sword will turn in his hands, attack him and fight him.
Eventually he will sicken, weaken, die and go to Hell.
The people who gambled on him made a very bad gamble and will go down with the sinking ship. They themselves will be saved, not much else.
I will save the innocents from there, get them out with minimal damage. All the rest will go down and perish.
This is Sodom and Gomorrah, He said. Do not be curious. Do not look back.
You brought My love, light, hope and peace with you. Things were happy and good when you were there.
That is the last love, light, and peace they will ever see.
All Had Changed
I had noticed when I was there, there was kindness but no spiritual power. People being loving but nothing happened beyond that.
One person had the Spirit. The rest had human love only.
I had also noticed all were subdued. Gone were the swaggers. The one person who had the biggest personality, the ultimate rebel, now submissive and silent.
The Ultimate Rebel
I so missed her laugh, her larger than life personality, always sneaking around and doing things against the rules with an infectious smile.
The time we sang karaoke to the men. Secular songs, shh don’t tell. They had big smiles and requests for us.
Highly illegal SNL nights in her room. Fellowship and craziness. Good and bad and anger but always she tried in the end to help.
It is all over now, suspect it has been that way for awhile.
Darkness Visible
Her house felt oppressive, not very clean. Didn’t stop to analyze. There was a darkness to it I didn’t remember. The windows all covered in sheets.
It looked and felt gritty. Dishes piled in the sink. A filth beyond literal filth.
There were no spontaneous trips anywhere, no where did she run off to now, no let’s pile in and go to Walmart. The van stayed put. She was mostly quiet the whole time.
She avoided me and only spoke to me when she had to. She didn’t speak to anyone really, spent most of her time out of public view.
The Guy Who Returned
They pointed him out. You remember this guy, right?
I indeed did. He had been a friend, done work for me. Confided in me, thought of him as a nephew.
We went to a banquet. He got me a soda and candy. Raised to respect women. A good man.
I heard later he left and how badly he had behaved. Not the guy I knew, not the person remembered.
The guy they pointed out, his eyes were dull and vacant. He looked like he was on heavy drugs. When he walked around, he acted like a psych ward patient who isn’t all there.
He was on nothing. What happened to you, I wondered.
I acknowledged him and walked off. The person I knew was obviously gone.
Fire
I saw the houses, in the Spirit, go up in flames. I saw the abomination, the edifice that is a spell, go up in blue fire. The house of the condemned criminal also burning in blue fire.
I had been warned to not be curious and don’t look back. I wanted to know so bad, but was obedient and didn’t seek it.
Jesus Speaks
I will take care of you, He said. You will have money and everything you need. He was the last of the abusers. It will be better from now on.
He told me to go buy junk food, chocolate, chips, soda. Eat it, you will need the stress relief.
I called the person the criminal had me block and cut off. Sorry, I said, you know who told me to block you. My brother wasn’t surprised. We talked awhile.
Another friend vented her anger at the criminal and all the harm he caused. Wasn’t sorry for him or the consequences. Me neither.
Visitation
I was on the phone with my brother the criminal asked me to block. I felt odd, weird, something happening.
My brother prayed. Suddenly I saw the criminal, his hand reaching through my body and grasping my heart. He wasn’t human anymore. Hard to describe. Ghastly.
He had brought demonic friends. My brother banished them all.
We talked and prayed. I felt a spirit of heaviness, oppression, depression.
I Can’t Pray
My brother had me pray the Lord’s Prayer aloud. He noticed I struggled; it was difficult. I noticed too.
He looked at me, saw darkness pouring out of my body.
We prayed more. I finally ended up putting deliverance prayers on repeat, blasted them into my home.
Wasn’t supposed to sleep but overcome with unnatural sleepiness and weakness. Finally asked for protection, went to sleep.
Woke up felt fluish. Felt like vomiting, tasted acid in the back of my throat. Thought I might too.
But spiritually better.
The Phone Call
The woman who knows the most called. I had blocked her number but saw she tried.
She literally has never done that. Never picked up a phone and called.
It was timestamped about two hours after he gave himself to Satan for the final time.
Wonder what real life events prompted it.
Singing A Dirge
The innocents will be saved, the rest will perish. The criminal condemned them all, but they had stayed to be with him also, and not fled to save themselves.
I leave a death song as a final tribute to the lost. Jesus isn’t in it, just like He isn’t there either, ever again.
Jephthah's Daughter 