Why am I Jephthah’s Daughter?
I started this blog to deal with this.
I remember sitting in a Bible study listening to the tale of someone who moved here from another country. For her, all kinds of doors opened. A family took her in. Her education got funded. Everything smooth and easy.
I listened and said why not me? I ended up living in homeless shelters for five months and epic shenanigans! And now dying as body cannot handle life where all abuse me!
I am right with the Lord; this has been attested to. All curses over me that I know of broken, generational and otherwise.
I love the Lord and love love love others. And yet I am mostly spending the end of my life helping others deal with my upcoming death.
The ministers who will minister to everyone else, will not minister to me. Still. Won’t even talk to me; you would think I was in major sin instead of dying.
There are major shenanigans with the health care situation. I haven’t even ever heard of health professionals behaving this way except on TV. But this is ME so they are!
I can’t talk about my life as no one can understand or relate.
I am the person who calls a helpline and doesn’t get helped; instead ends up exposing evil.
I am the person all want me to help and support THEM. Basically everyone acting like things are fine, nothing unusual happening.
I gave up on people helping me as they don’t. This has been tested and proven repeatedly.
Professionals paid to do that will. In general others don’t. I have some good friends I am grateful for.
The truth is I have received the most hurt and unkindness from other Christians. They were the people most likely to harm instead of help. And this is sad.
Literally everyone I met in 2018 who hurt and harmed me the most, I met at a church.
And it falls to me to say these hard things. The Body of Christ is wondering why people are leaving in droves. It is because the Lord’s people only love themselves.
The people I met who are my closest friends right now? Some are Christians. He has saved a remnant for Himself.
The vast majority I did NOT meet at church. He brought them to me in various ways.
My list of true supporters and friends does include Christians. Also includes Pagans, atheists, and searchers.
One Pagan friend and I just have a bond and have for years. Our beliefs couldn’t be more opposite, but the love between us is real and has endured.
One friend is a staunch atheist. He will send me religious jokes and I laugh. When I lost it and started this blog, he reached out first.
He listened to me, was kind, basically treated me like a sick cat who was hissing and clawing as in pain. His mom is a vet; he has experience with sick cats.
Another friend reached out, a school friend. She texted me to see how I was. She has thought about spirituality, currently an atheist. But she is a loving, kind person people love.
The friend who saved me last month, I don’t even know what her beliefs are. Never asked. She just couldn’t stand by and let me fall. She came through in a real way and saved me from homelessness literally.
We have never discussed religion. She comes and goes as she wishes, but she is there if I really need her.
My atheist friend’s wife, also my friend, has also reached out and been supportive. Dealing with things in her own way, but she has tried to be there.
My friend who is gay and I believe Pagan writes me frequently. He won’t share his blog; I wouldn’t approve. Did I make your list, Seren? He makes all my lists, always. ❤
The other good friends are indeed Christians. Of all of them, exactly one is in ministry. Just one.
The others are repentant sinners with colorful pasts, or just ordinary people.
The one relationship that has been ongoing for many many years. He recently came to the Lord and this was the hardest thing he ever did.
He loves me the most and I love him the most. He will be with me until the end pretty literally.
The one who thinks her relationship with the Lord is sketchy. She is fundamentally a scientist struggling to understand the truth.
She is unfailingly there; will even take hard stands for my benefit.
The one who also has a past no one understands. He and I talk every day. We get each other, and others do not get us. He has major sin in his past; every day is a struggle.
The Lord uses him in amazing ways.
The friend who has been in and out of my life for years. We break up and get back together. The Lord won’t let her stay away.
She has an on again off again relationship with Jesus, and an enduring love for me. So grateful for her.
The new friend who liked my videos and dared to send a friend request. He is an unfailing source of support. Made me something out of origami. Sends me photos to brighten my day.
I always am happy to see him pop up in my mailbox; he makes me smile.
The friends who found me through the previous blog. The love, kindness, and support. The gifts they didn’t send by mail that brightened my day and my life. The past we all share. Love them dearly. ❤
I am an artist but not very good at drawing. Maybe I will do a piece for my friends. The people who actually loved me in the end.
My picture would 100% consist of sinners, some saved by grace, many not. But people who cared, and proved it by their actions.
Body of Christ, it is ultimately your lack of love for others that drives people elsewhere.
The Lord will not forget either the heathens who helped or the Christians who caused harm. He is just as well as merciful.
Jephthah's Daughter 